MED'S

I'm so sick of people being all up in your face when you choose to take medication. I'm tired of the stereotype people label those of US that choose medication to help us live a life, we consider, now worth living. Yeah, go ahead and send me your nasty emails...
Y'all remember the post on My_Mom? I wrote in it how my mom was so miserable in her life and how she expressed that misery, along with all her anger. Wasn't pretty.
Okay...I started having migraines around 10 years old. I remember headaches that had me staying in bed, room darkened and any movement or smell would make me throw up. Sometimes for days at a time. My mom had them too. She had pain pills, I didn't. It's hard to have so much pain and not start to get angry about it.
When I got to high school I found ways to medicate...yeah, SO? C'mon...tell me you didn't. I can believe a few didn't, but I did, okay? Drug of choice was mostly speed and of course, getting high. College...I think that's when my anger started expressing itself through physical outlets. I remember one guy I dated honestly turned me over his knee and spanked me (not in a playful way either) and I can honestly tell you, though it infuriated and embarrassed me, I deserved it. I was pure evil sometimes.
There are a few years after college before my first marriage, that I'm honestly embarrassed to talk about, but they'll make for some great post sometime.
During my first marriage (5 years lasting) we were both completely out of control. Drugs, anger...we had it all going on. Probably lucky we lived through it...actually, I'm not sure he did, have no idea what happened with him. Haven't been able to find any sign of him on the web.
Okay, current marriage. I'd given up drugs a little over a year before I met Mark and we married 2 weeks later. Poor Marko. The first part of our marriage he was terrified to come home. Serious anger management problems with me. Still had the migraines, I've always had a sleeping disorder and my mind was completely running hot and cold.
The first years of our marriage, I'll save for another post as well. Fast forward to the boys. I wanted kids so very much. Then, when I had them...all the sudden I found it really hard to cope and I started having such a desire to take my anger out in a physical way...again. This is where my mom comes into play. Every time I looked at myself, saw the way I was reacting to situations, I saw my mom. I did not want my kids to grow up with 'my mom'. But I kept getting angrier and angrier. I prayed, I believed, I had more and more migraines and I was starting to take it out on my children. When Charlie was 4, I hit him. Go ahead, send the emails. I cried harder than he did. I picked up the phone and called my doctor. When I saw him, I explained how I was out of control. I was crying all the time, I had anger I couldn't control and I needed help. He gave me a script for anti depressants and made me promise to call a psychiatrist, whose # he gave me, and to be back to see him in a week. I went home and cried telling Mark that they thought I was mentally sick, that I didn't want to take antidepressants...I'd quit drugs years ago and didn't want to start again. Mark took the script and got it filled for me. Thank God for my husband. I can not begin to explain the difference it made in my life. It took a year to get the med's right and all, but every day was still better than I had been my entire life. I couldn't get over what it was like to think clearly, to be able to think through anger. This is why I say how my moms whole life would have been so much different had she had this option available to her. And, if her life had been different, think about how much different my sisters life and mine would have been.
The head doctors...mmmmm, not so much help. The first one I went to, well, he did make me promise to call him before I ran my car off a road, which was a daily possibility. And for whatever reason, somehow I did consider that promise I made to him. But he kept trying to get me to remember things that I don't (yeah, lot's of blank spaces) and frankly, I'm okay with not remembering. He mentioned it was probably a sexual experience block...well, really wouldn't wanna remember that. Then he got into 'touch therapy' and I was out of there. Next head doctor bored the crap out of me and wanted me to keep a daily journal that he'd read. Would anyone write honestly when they know someone is going to read and analyze it? Okay, well, I couldn't. After many months of him...I called it quits.
So, been on prozac now for 11 years and I'm fine with that. BECAUSE, I remember all too well what life was like with out it and I never, ever, ever want to go back there.
What I'm trying to say here, after 45 minutes of your reading pleasure, is that there shouldn't be a stigmata about anti depressants...or a lot of drugs that better someone's life. As long as it isn't self prescribed and you've been well tested to find out what the root problem is, do what's best for you and your family. And, please don't be ashamed of it. My brain does not produce a chemical I need to think clearly and calmly. There is a drug that provides me with the chemical balance I need to raise a happy and healthy family. I only wish it had been available in my mom's time of need. Unfortunately it wasn't and she self medicated with the drugs that were available to her and alcohol. DON'T do that.
Today's post was on anti depressants. Tomorrow I'll write about ambien. Oh dear, I can see Mark rolling his eyes now. Funny stories there.

Tagged by blackops

I was tagged by one of my favorite guys, blackops.
And, I'm suppose to tag 3...sorry guys, but it's not that bad. :)
1. Eddie
2. TwistedChick
3. Timmy ( I can't imagine Timmy doing this, but it'd be a hoot to read)

HERE WE GO...

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
A lot of my friends, students, family, that reads my blog already recognize me...too late! Do I try? Nope.
2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
Nope. Some of the pictures on my photo page have been digitally altered though...creative license.
3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
No, got a few. Kind of feel sorry for them that they've nothing better to do.
4. Do you lie in your blog?
Not once. Probably get more hits, be more popular, if I did though.
5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
Nope, just a likeable and sometimes amusing, but always honest, bitch. In life and blog...
6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
Too funny, don't think anyone would tell me that.
7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
Nope. Should I be? Hmmmm, depends on who you ask. Me, I say 'no, I'm okay'.
8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
I've deleted spam. I've never faked comments, but thanks for the idea.
9.Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog?
If you're referring to what blackops said, then I'd have to say........
10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
Less, if at all. :)
11. Do you have a job?
Yes. I'm a substitute teacher for high school grades, trying to get a job working for blackops.
12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
Yup, in a heartbeat.
13. Which bloggers do you want to meet in real life?
I'm not a people person, but if I had a gun to my head...Timmy (for morbid curiosity), blackops (I want him to give me a job), Deb (love her creative eye) and Twisted Chick (cause I think we're related).
14. Which bloggers have you made out with? (a)In real life? (b)In fantasy?
None, nope, not a one. Not. A. One.
15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
Acting has never been my strong suit.
16. Does your family read your blog?
Yes, occasionally. Keeps me honest. :)
17. How old is your blog?
2 months and 9 days. :)
18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
No, and it surprises me that I get as many as I do.
19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar? No
20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
No, and if anyone knows why someone would do that, share it with me.
21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
Yeah, I report that big $0...it's what's expected of me.
22. Is blogging narcissistic?
I've definitely read some that are, but they're not on my favorites list. I think it's more a form of release of self expression. Safer than a handgun.
23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
Yes
24. Do you like John Mayer?
No clue who it is, but giving him the benefit of the doubt, I'm gonna have to go with no.
25. Do you have enemies?
Wow, hard one. Probably, yeah.
26. Are you lonely?
Only when I'm around a lot of people.
27. Why bother?
Because I enjoy it.

My Pat

I've been fortunate to have some really strong and supportive women in my life. My grandmothers were both strong women. My paternal grandmother was one of my best friends. She always supported and loved me...regardless. Bless her heart. I always let her know where I was living and what was going on when I didn't tell anyone else. I've still got her letters in a box. She died in `86.
A little more than a year after my mom died in 1991, my dad met Pat. Everyone should have a Pat. She is one of the strongest ladies I've ever met. Pat has been a great deal of support for me and is still one of my closest friends.
When my mom died, I missed her terribly. (Still do...still talk to her and I still hear her answer me. She's still sarcastic)
Pat called my dad and invited him over for coffee...took him a couple of months to get there, but once he did, he was hooked. Thank God. Though I'd never heard my dad compliment anyone really, he ranted and raved about how great this woman he'd met was. He said she had it all, looks, smarts...he was smitten. I was happy for him, didn't understand so much what the woman saw in him, but I was happy for him all the same.
I don't remember how long it was before he brought her to visit us in Texas. I automatically loved her. Pat is one of these women that will look you in the eye, tell you exactly what she thinks and say it with style and grace. She's not a girly girl, she'll get her hands dirty, but she's a beautiful woman that takes great pride in her appearance... I'm not so sure she takes great 'pride' in it...but she looks as if she does. She's always beautiful, but in a natural way. I have always been able to talk to Pat, and not worry she'll hold it against me. That's not always the case with me, so I appreciated this a great deal in Pat.
Pat is also the only grandmother my boys have ever known on my side of the family. They were too young when my mom died to remember her. They've seen pictures and video...but they don't remember her. Pat took to my kids and treated them like they were her own grandkids right away. She still does. When my boys were little, they'd call her their Pat. They'd say they had a Mamacita (Marks mom) and a Pat. And she was...she was their 'Pat'.
I didn't know my dad as the kind of man that ever really got personally involved. (See the post on My Mom to get a view of the man I knew) But for some reason, Pat brought out a side to him that we didn't get to see often. He was kind and caring with her. He'd talk about how good she was to him, how proud he was of her. I'd never heard my dad talk like this before, so it kind of gave him a real 'human' quality. I loved the man that he was around Pat.
They dated for about 8 years. Why he didn't marry her, I don't know. Well...not everyone in my family felt the same way about Pat, but that's it's own story and not one really worth mentioning. Pat was good for my dad and she loved him.
As my dad got older, he became more selfish and harder to get along with. Pat put up with him, loved him and spoiled him. God love her, she went through a lot with him. One day, he just got up and walked out of her house (you know how you see little kids have a tantrum...think of a 150 lb, 70'ish year old man...yup, thats him!) and never went back.
Sweet Pat, broke her heart and my heart. Fortunately, God had a wonderful man living next door to her that appreciated her and loved her the way she deserved. I continued to visit her every time I went back home. After all, she's my 'Pat'. Pat later married her wonderful neighbor and they moved to Florida. I've not seen her in a few years. But we email, and we occasionally talk by phone.
I've always been a little jealous of Pat's kids. She has three daughters that are all successful and all have a great relationship with their mom. Pat has grandkids and great grandkids. She volunteers her time, she sings in the church choir and she still makes time for all her family. God gave me a great example of what a mom should, and could, be. He also gave me a great friend.
I've always been grateful for 'my Pat'.

More Mom

My last post I talked a little about my mom (by the way, my mom was 53 when she died). I appreciate the comments and emails I got, thanks very much y'all. However, I want to make sure that it's understood that my mom and I were great friends when she died and she was a great grandmother. She always denied any of this happened. I don't know if it was denial or memory loss, but either way it was survival mode for her, I'm sure. But, I doubt my sister and I could both have the same incorrect nightmares. I, too, though have a great deal of memory loss. I've been to a few head doctors and the thing they don't seem to realize is that I'm okay with not remembering things. What I do remember is more than enough. That, and the fact that the head dr.'s always steer towards sexual abuse...and those kind of memories never surfaced. I'm not sure that they saw that as a good thing, but I do. Not everything is about sex, doc.

My Mom

I've made references to my mom and some of my childhood in prior posts. I want to write about my mom a bit. I loved my mom very much and at the time of her death she was one of my closest friends. I miss her every day of my life.
My mom was one of six kids. From what I understand, her dad was an alcoholic, as was my mom and all but a couple of siblings. My grandfather was physically and mentally abusive. I don't remember anything negative about my grandpa, but I was pretty young when he died. My mom wanted to be a nurse, but she started dating my dad while she was in high school and he was a flight instructor at her brother-in-laws airport. He was 10 years her senior. When she was 18, she got pregnant and married my dad. So much for pursuing her dreams of college and a nursing career. He left her with her parents and went a few hours north to live and work. I'm guessing he saw her on week ends...don't know, can't remember what she told me. Finally, he moved her, me and by that time, my sister up to live with him. He took a job managing an airport, which stayed open 24/7, so he pretty much lived there. This left my mom, having had me at 18, my sister at 19, now living away from her parents, taking care of 2 kids (practically as a single parent), with her dreams of college and a different kind of life haunting her.
I tell you all of this in her defense.
My mom was very abusive. How? Mentally, physically, emotionally, it was all there. I'm only going to give a few examples that typifies:
Mentally: When my sister and I were young enough to fit under our beds, I remember hiding there when she told us she was cooking a stew and she was going to boil us in it. I know now she wouldn't have, but at 5 or 6...you don't.
She told me that I was going to die in my sleep one afternoon when she put us down for a nap, telling my sister to tell me goodbye, that I'd be dead when she woke up.
Physically: She beat us with a razor strap, switches...and I don't use the word 'beat' lightly.
Emotionally: She always told us she hated us and that we were the biggest mistakes of her life. She was calling us whores and sluts before we were 10, we had no clue what that meant.

Mom was in bed probably before 6 every evening. My dad wasn't around, and we were not allowed to make any noise...no phone calls and TV practically on mute. Believe me you didn't want to wake her up. I remember trying to stretch the phone cord into the bathroom so that she wouldn't hear me. But she always did.
What we didn't know, was that she was in pain. My mom was an alcoholic, it's hereditary. I didn't know she had a problem till I was probably in my late teens. She'd had major back surgeries, she suffered from migraines, she worked full time and was raising 2 kids, for all practical purposes, alone. Add to the equation pain pills, alcohol and resentment...not a pretty picture. But once I was old enough to see she had a problem and understand the core of the problem, I became a bit understanding. I also began understanding that when my dad did come home, he was ignoring what was obviously going on. He was leaving us with a mad woman and saving himself by staying away.
What saddens me is that my mom was miserable her entire adult life. Today, she would have so many alternatives to her problems. I think about how much different my mom's life could have been had she had a husband that helped instead of hid. I think about what a difference prozac could have made, a more attentive doctor, so many things.
When I was 26 I became a Christian (I was raised somewhere between atheist and agnostic). I forgave my mom completely. I let go of all resentment and anger, and saw the hell her life had been. Holding anything against my mom didn't erase my past with her, it only fed the negativity in my life. I chose instead to love her and forgive her. We became friends. I soon moved to Texas and she and I talked several times a week. I want to say she mellowed, but according to my sister who never left the town we were raised in and lived about 10 minutes from my mom and dad, she didn't mellow at all. But my relationship with my mom was good, she was a source of comfort and understanding to me when I needed her and I'll always appreciate that. According to my dad she never stopped drinking, but she didn't drink when she visited my house in Texas during the 8 years I lived here before she died. We would talk, and laugh, and she'd stoke my hand like she was trying to memorize it. I'll always remember that.
She still lived with the same problems, and she died with those problems. My dad developed heart problems and was in and out of the hospital with tests and such before he finally had open heart surgery. This was right before Thanksgiving in `91. We went home for Thanksgiving with Casey (2 yrs old) and Charlie (11 months, he was a Christmas eve baby) in tow. We were all so nervous having the boys around Dad, but he wanted to see them and we tried to be very cautious. After we returned to Texas, they put Dad back in the hospital a couple of times trying to get his blood to the right thickness (a common problem after heart surgery). On December 17th my mom called after I'd gone to bed and talked to Mark. She told him that they'd put Dad back in the hospital, but it wasn't serious, she just wanted to let us know. She told him that she loved us all. She died in her sleep that night. Apparently, she too had heart disease. No one knew. To me it has always been ironic that, once again, Dad was being taken care of while she suffered, alone, without anyone noticing.
The reason I tell all of this is because I occasionally say something derogatory about my mom. I did have a painful and abusive childhood. However, I can not and do not hold my mom responsible for her behavior. She was ill, mentally and physically. She did the best she could. She lived her life in pain, sadness and loneliness. She loved me, my husband and my children with all her heart. Less than a week after she died I got a huge box in the mail full of Christmas presents she'd wrapped and sent to us. This is how I choose to remember my mom.

Do Not Knock

I'm not a people person (shut up Katy). There are a few that will dispute this, but the majority of those that know me will agree. Frankly, there are just very few people that I meet that I'd care to meet again. I'm a loner, and I have no problem with that. It's not so much that I find my own company better than others, I'm just more comfortable with myself than anyone else. I can count the best friends I've had in my life on one hand (not including my husband and kids). I'm not a phone person, I don't like to shop and I'd rather stay home than go clubbin. So, see? I'm not that much fun to be around anyway.
What I don't understand is, why do people always seem to think that I'm different than I appear? And why do so many seem intent on proving it and try to make me into something I'm not? You see, I have no problem letting the machine answer the phone, the only reason I might check the id is make sure it's not one of my kids or my husband calling. Other than the three of them, frankly, I don't care. I have no problem putting a 'Do Not Knock' sign on my front door. Been doing it since the kids were little and I still do it. Doesn't mean I'm napping or sick...just means 'Do Not Knock'. I'm not faking it and I'm not just shy...I really just like being alone more than having company.
There are a few things about me that people either hate or they love. A few:

I'm brutally honest. Don't ask me for an opinion if you don't want it. Don't get me involved with your personal affairs if you don't want to know what I think. Believe me, unless you live in my house, I don't mind staying out of your affairs anyway.

I don't filter my thoughts. I just don't. Yeah, I should...but I don't. I say what I'm thinking. I would never purposely hurt anyone's feelings, but if I think you're acting like an ass, I'll tell you.

I don't back down. Believe me, sometimes I wish I could. But somewhere along the lines of growing up (around 13 yrs old), I told my mom if she ever hit me again, I'd hit her back and I've haven't backed down since.

I can't be intimidated. This is probably why I work so well with the problem classes. Where some teachers walk out, I enjoy the confrontation because, (see above) I don't back down. I know this isn't a good quality, but I honestly enjoy a good confrontation. I don't yell, I don't get physical and I don't fall back on profanity. In fact, I've learned that the more agitated someone becomes, the more calm I get. It enables me to think clearly.

Tears do not break my heart. Mine break my heart, my kids break my heart because they just don't cry, but others usually tend to be for effect and I don't buy into that plunging stock. It's why I don't like teaching anything below high school. Well, that and the fact that I simply do not like kids. But to be fair, I've made a total of two senior boys cry, one being a football player. Give me a break.

I'm not a fashion person. I like jeans and tee shirts...and my Croc's. Love my Croc's. My Mom-in-law tried for years giving me colorful clothing, dropping statements like 'you should put some color in your wardrobe' and the likes. I wish I could look like my Mom-in-law...or my sister-in-law...beautiful women. But I don't come by that naturally, and I honestly don't like dressing up. I hate wearing make-up (and wear it only when I work or sometimes when I go 'out') because all I want to do is go home and wash my face. I'm not a girly girl. I keep my hair cut short'ish' because I don't like to mess with it. Oh (and my friends can't believe that I do this, but they always love the results) I usually cut it myself. Yup, cut it where I don't like it and I'm good. If it gets to a point where I'm not happy with it, I'll go get it done professionally, but to tell you the truth, I usually like the way I cut it better. I'm a wash n go type of gal.


Wow, I feel better.

The Latest On Mark

Mark had his second visit back to the Liver Institute, since starting treatment, on Tuesday and got his second injection. Last week, when he'd gotten his first shot, he ran fever and felt pretty bad for a few days. This time, it lasted about a day. He came home early around 4 p.m. and went straight to bed. Believe me, not like him. But after that...good to go. He's staying upbeat and very positive. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers.

Let's Review the Greats

Okay, I've been negligent in posting anything lately. In all fairness, I was down with some bug for a bit, but the last couple of days I've just been reading other bloggers posts. I can't help it, I love reading some of my favorite people. I do have a variety of bloggers that I enjoy, they differ in politics, religion...you name it. But they make me think of views I hadn't, and they give me directions to find information that I hadn't found on my own. I'm not a fan of the media lately. Here is an example of why. I appreciate all the time it takes for many bloggers to not only write but to also 'report'.
I'm also extremely jealous of many bloggers. First, because of their talent and intelligence. Secondly, because of their bravery to say (write) what they want to and what they believe in. There are many times I'll start a post only to delete all of it because I'll remember that I have family and students that visit my blog.
So with all this said, I want to introduce y'all to my favorite blogs:
Lance - a political writer serving his country proudly in Iraq. Lance writes about all of the current issues with special focus on Iraq.
John - a fellow Texan that is currently serving in Iraq. I appreciate these soldiers taking the time to let us see through their eyes (and not the media's) what is happening in Iraq.
Timmy - hmmmmm. Timmy has the most dry and often warped sense of humor (which I appreciate) and can blend it with a blog of heartfelt conviction. I love this guy. * Warning - if you're not of a legal age or can't recognize humor or sarcasm when your reading it...stay far away from Timmy.
Eddie - a very intelligent guy that doesn't shy away from the uncomfortable issues. He also has some great finance blogs you can get to from this page.
Romey - a guy of many faces. Funny, sensitive and creative. From poetry to humor...he never fails to keep my attention in his blogs.
Blackops - a guy that can really tell a story. I especially like the one about his cousin Manny. Find it on his home page.
Wes - another great writer that combines humor with today's current events. He gives links to all his headlines, which he'll have several every day. Everything from the daily social, political, financial, sports and pop culture news. I enjoy the comment section on his blog nearly as much as his posts.
Thunder 6 - another great writer serving in Iraq. He isn't a writer by trade, in fact I believe he is employed by the government (other than his deployment). But I hope that when he returns home he'll continue to write. I'd definitely buy anything he writes.

There you go, my favorites. There are many more I make a point of reading daily, but I hope you'll take a few minutes to familiarize yourself with some of these GREATS.

Today's Quote 09/20/05

"I've noticed that all those pro-choice have already been born."
Ronald Reagan

A Conservative's Conservative (warning: extremely tough reality)

Here is what I find Ironic about liberals. Abortion kills the most innocent, yet Liberals are against the Death Penalty, that kills the most henious of all humanity. Kinda ironic isnt it?
Chris

Thanks Eddie - Always taking the hard (but the right) road.

Today's Quote 09/17/05

Gold Star families
A very good read:
Most Gold Star families do not seek such a spotlight. Their existence is a quiet, day-to-day struggle of surviving personally and honoring publicly what their loved ones believed and were willing to die for.
It's not about agreeing with the war and the president. It's about sticking by the decision of your children, respecting their idealism and cherishing their heroics. And yes, there have been heroics in Iraq and Afghanistan. The good being done by our men and women has fed their idealism. There is nothing like bringing liberty to another people. That good must not be lost.
Our military and their families should be the most admired of our citizens. Besides the sacrifice in war, our military members have been the heroes of New Orleans — restoring law and order and rescuing people. Our military and their families are the most compassionate and competent of America's servants.
America has a long history of spreading liberty. If that is lost we will cease to be who we think we are.
Posted by Lance Frizzell at 04:31 AM

Today's Quote 09/16/05

That is who we are fighting, a cancerous group of men bent on reshaping the world to conform to their own twisted design. Because make no mistake… to these jackals Iraq is just the opening act.
by: Thunder6 currently serving in Iraq. Please read the entire post for today @
365 and a Wakeup

(warning: it's a tough but honest read)

"Wanted - Biology Teacher"

I worked at the Freshman Center today, subbed in Biology for a teacher that just 'quit'. The thing is, I've been trying to email this guy for a week because of his not showing up for Charlie's tutoring. He told me last week that Charlie needed to come in to make up some lab work. So, I've been taking Charlie in early every day and the teacher just never shows up. Apparently yesterday he decided not to teach anymore and quit. This is a young guy...early to mid 20's. I can't imagine the kids putting him through so much hell that he just quits 6 weeks into the school year. Regardless, there I am trying to sort through about 3 weeks of students work that he didn't grade or file. Fun. One of the biology teachers told me that my last class of the day was known for being trouble...okay...no problem. I've been known as trouble myself occasionally. I read the notes from previous subs and there were some really hostile comments about this class. Hmmmm. Know what? I loved this class. Was my favorite of the day. Just goes to show you. They asked me to take his classes again tomorrow. I hope they get a good biology teacher for these kids soon, because they're not getting what they need from me. Well...except for getting someone who doesn't see them as satan's spawn.
Casey had a game tonight. They lost, but it was very close and it was an excellent game. Casey played an awesome game. We were so proud of him. It's hard when they lose, I just hope he knows that he did the best he could. Sometimes teenagers can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders...I wouldn't be that age again for anything.
Thanks for the kind words and concern for Mark. He is feeling much better today. He's stiff and feels a little worn down, but other than that (and his being a bit confused) he's feeling better. He came in this morning after getting dressed and he was in a 'casual Friday' attire. I mentioned it was Thursday, and he went back to change. A few things like that have happened, and it's not like Mark. But he said it was one of the side effects they warned him about.
Well, I need to catch up on my favorite blogs and get myself off to bed. Tomorrow is a school day. :)

Update on Mark

Last month I told y'all (with Marks Permission) about Mark having Hepatitis C with some liver damage. He'd been accepted in a treatment study group at the Liver Institute in Dallas, which we were thrilled about, but before it started he was bumped to a later starting date because of one of his test results. He was able to start the treatment yesterday. He has started the medication which consists of one shot a week of Pegasys, which he gives to himself, and three tablets of Copegus twice a day. He will be going to the institute every two weeks to be checked.
The most common side effects are pretty severe, and he's already suffering them. Flu-like symptoms such as fever, chills, muscle aches, joint pain and headaches. All of which started last night after having his first shot yesterday. Mark has never been a whiner (I know ladies, he's a man...but I'm telling you, he's not a complainer when he's sick), but he feels bad. There is also upset stomach, nausea, taste changes, rashes, hair loss, dizziness and trouble sleeping. These are the most common side effects. Poor babe. I'm not even going into the most serious side effects, we're believing we'll not have to deal with them.
Right now, it's the fever (body aches, chills) and the headaches that's bothering him the most. And, he's really tired. So...he stays on this same cycle of medication for 48 weeks and then he'll be re-evaluated.
We found out Mark had Hepatitis C right after we got married and tried to donate blood together. He hadn't known. It's believed that he must have contracted it when he was born and had to have a complete blood transfusion in 1960. So, considering how long he's had it, he is extremely healthy.

A Great Blog

THE CABANA

http://cabanablog.blogspot.com/

Do yourself a favor and put this blog on your favorites. Once you start reading it, it's kind of like eating Marko's popcorn...you just can't stop. It's funny, informative and intelligently written.

The Great Katrina Celebrity Tour

God forgive us our mistakes.
There must be so many places to point fingers of blame with any disaster, if that's what one is led to do. Katrina is no different. Every news report, every politician and every media source has a point of view on what could have been done. I don't pretend to know. I know that I feel awful for what happened. I know that I want to help in every way that is realistically possible for me to. There are many ways to help, many ways to make a difference. Every other commercial on t.v. or the radio will tell you how in case you need ideas.
I'm grateful for each ounce of energy that is put forth to help. It's hard to step out of our comfort zone, even if it is to help someone who so desperately needs it. But it's usually the same people who do, over and over again...every time they're needed. Thank God for them.
What I don't understand is when our celebrities gathered so much power. I understand that they only have what power we've given them, but have we honestly given them so much that we follow them, believe them and trust them rather than those that we've supported and voted into office? Since when did we turn to Michael Moore to show us the 'real' truth? When did we begin to listen more to Oprah than to our President? When did we send a message to Sean Penn (and his camera crew) that he should try doing what our National Guard is trained to do? I'm sure our Nat'l Guard, our Red Cross, even our President would love to be able to have a fraction of the income, the media exposure and the national support that we, for some odd reason, seem to be giving to celebrities.
Yesterday I happened to catch the Dr. Phil show. He had himself and an entire camera crew being taxi'd around New Orleans by those in charge of helping and securing (be it Nat'l Guard, law enforcement, whatever). Do these people not have enough to do? I remember hearing last week how they'd decided to ban the media and I thought at the time...'oh oh...gonna be a problem'. They lifted the media ban, but now I see why they wanted it. Not only did Dr. Phil show us the same thing that we've been seeing over and over...but (and I kid you not) he put on a kevlar vest and tried to get people out of their homes that have refused to go by saying "This is Dr. Phil, you really need to leave". Duh??? You think?? They're not going to listen to law enforcement, to military, but oh...hey...it's Dr. Phil! Plus, it's like a war zone in a lot of those areas and Dr. Phil and his crew were only adding to the responsibilities that these over worked brave men and women already have. How about showing us where we CAN help, not why we need to. We'd have to have just came out of a coma not to know our help is needed!
It's totally confusing to me. Sure, we need their help. We need their volunteering where they're told to volunteer like the rest of us by the people IN CHARGE. We need their money, we need the funds they're able to raise by their media exposure (which we've given them). But, people...they're not missionaries, professionally trained rescuers, or politicians making decisions where our tax dollars go...they are people we pay money to so that they will entertain us. Get a grip on reality. Put your trust in the people you elected, in the charities and organizations that have learned how to handle crisis from being there over and over again, all over the world when ever there was a tragedy. Pointing fingers isn't helping to get the job done, regardless of what the job is. It's only making noise in a situation where we need to be listening... Instead of telling everyone who will listen what wrong was done, ask what right you can do. There's plenty for all of us to do.
It sort of reminds me of when something needs to be done at home. If a glass is left on a counter and a cat jumps up and knocks it off, it doesn't matter who left it there or why it was left there. What matters is that there is glass on the floor with 4 people and 6 animals walking around on that floor. It needs to be cleaned up as soon as possible.
If you want to talk about blame, we can do that, later. But, please, let's get the mess cleaned up before any more damage is done. There is a time for anger, for questions. But is it now? Isn't there more important things needing to be done right now?

It's a bad thing??

Borrowing this from 1st LT Medical Platoon Leader Lance Frizzell, currently serving in Northern Iraq.

Mayor Nagin Blames Bush for Lower Body Count:
by Scott Ott
(2005-09-12) -- New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin today blamed President George Bush for the lower-than-expected number of bodies discovered in the receding flood waters, and said it's part of a White House campaign "to prevent black people from getting what they deserve."
Last week, Mayor Nagin predicted that as many as 10,000 corpses would be found due to the Bush administration's slow response to the crisis, however, so far the total number of flood-related deaths is closer to 200.
"We were on track to have the most horrifying natural disaster in America's history," said the mayor, "but Bush knew that would generate huge compassion and lots of cash flowing to this predominantly-black community."
The former cable TV executive said that if the death count remains in the hundreds, rather than thousands, the big question will be 'who benefits?'
"Follow the money," said Mr. Nagin. "Low body-count means less federal aid and less redistribution of wealth from the rich to the poor black folks of my city. You don't have to be a cable guy to figure out that this benefits George Bush and his rich cronies."

Who benefits? Hmmmm, perhaps those who didn't have to be among the 'death count'?

WHAT? Huh, No Kidding??

from "The Corner" at NRO, posted by Cliff May:
"As a retired structural engineer who has done exhaustive work on bulk liquids retention structures, including dams, dykes and levees; also having audited engineering schematics on the New Orleans levees in the 1994-1996 era, rest assured that federal officials were properly concerned about that situation. The problem was that they were the only ones. We bucked and kicked local officials for years throughout the entire project. The municipality demanded the money, and received millions, but repeatedly, they had more pressing uses for expenditures. The optimal, shear-sloped design for the levee reinforcement was approved in 1995. I tell you truly that in my 40-year career as an engineer, the local authorities in our New Orleans levee project take the prize in the area of callous disregard and their bungling remains notorious to this day. Truly, it was scandalous. Consequently, I find it hard to cast a major portion of blame for this disaster on any other entity than the local representatives of those unfortunate people in New Orleans. The truth is, at least the last three mayors of New Orleans are grossly negligent and in dereliction of duty in regards to repeatedly skimming federal funds allocated for their levee fortification."
Allan McIsaac

A mindless way to spend 3 minutes

I took this quiz off of another bloggers blog. Leave me a comment or email me and let me know your results.
http://quizilla.com/users/SabrilDevereux/quizzes/What%20Do%20People%20Truly%20See%20You%20As%3F%20(lots%20of%20outcomes%20and%20stunning%20pictures)/

This was mine:




Doesn't look much like me, but she's suppose to have my personality. :)

Today's Quote 09/10/05

Y'all know how I like to quote...well, I'm just going to give you the site to read from today because it's too much to post here and yet it's worth every second you'll spend reading it. It's by1st LT Lance Frizzell.
http://iraq.billhobbs.com/archives/2005_09.html

*Liberals beware: You really don't want to go there.

Friday Night

It's a Friday night and Casey took off for the football game, Mark took off for wherever he goes on his bike to play hackey sack with himself and Charlie and I decided we didn't want to stay home, so we went to the movies together. It was really nice. I can't remember the last time I went to a movie on a Friday night. Or a Saturday night either. It was so crowded and the computers all went down at the theater as we got in line to get tickets (a Cinemark Theater), so there was about 35 minutes where there were 6 lines out to the parking lot and no one selling tickets. Even the concession stands inside were down. But, it was still fun. I guess because I was out on a Friday night. We went to see 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose'. Let's see....what can I say? Wow. I'd read about it, and knew pretty much what had happened to the real 'Emily Rose', so I didn't think I'd care that much for it. But, it was pretty good. The cast was good and the girl that played Emily, again...wow. There were a lot of teenagers in the theater, and probably after having to wait for an extra 40 - 45 minutes for the movie...were pretty wound up. They laughed and yelled and cussed the entire time. I'm pretty good about being able to focus through anything...but there got to be shouting matches across the theater several times. But, I still enjoyed it. I thought it was much scarier than 'The Exorcist'. Whatever, it was good to be out on a Friday night.
I subbed today for freshman computer classes and I had...maybe 6 kids from LA. Maybe more. It was amazing how upbeat these kids were. They've all been in school here now for 2 - 3 days. I heard a couple of heartbreaking stories. Homes they'd grown up in...gone. A girls stuffed animals she'd had since she was little, all gone. However, mostly what I heard was how much help they'd recieved. People giving them school supplies, new clothes, even hair cuts. Seems no-one will take their money...and they just couldn't get over how nice people who didn't know them were being to them. The grocery stores will give them groceries with proof of residence (from La or MS). One kid was telling me how much it meant to him to be able to play in the football game on Thursday. He said he'd been on varsity at home in his parish, and he'd only been here 2 days, but they let him play. God bless those coaches. Sometimes people are simply amazing.

Agassi Rocks!

Did y'all catch Agassi rock Blake's world last night? It was an awesome match...could have gone either way. Only it didn't.

A short post and a good day

I received my new camera in the mail...can you believe it? Gotta give it up to HP. Man. I called them in the middle of Saturday afternoon telling them my view screen had shattered and they had a new one to me in 3 business days free of charge. I do have to send the old one back in the box the new one came in...but it, too, is free of charge. Good deal!
Casey had a game tonight against Richardson Eagles. Allen are Eagles, too. So, it was a tad funny in the stands, both visitor and home (we were home) yelling for Eagles. But the ALLEN Eagles won, 7-6. An excellent game. GO EAGLES!!
I didn't get into bed last night until nearly 2 a.m. and we over slept this morning, not getting up till 5:30 ish. So I'm going to bed early tonight. I'm subbing at the Freshman Center tomorrow, think Charlie will come by to say 'hello'? Hmmmm.... I'll take bets at 5 to 1 against it.
Y'all have a good night. If anyone gets a chance, check out one of these blogs...or all. :)
http://blondemomentsblog.blogspot.com/
http://angriestblog.blogspot.com/
http://anysoldier.com/WhereToSend/

Today's Quote 09/07/05

This is from a post by 'Marla Singer', with her permission.
http://angriestblog.blogspot.com/2005_08_01_angriestblog_archive.html

How can you undermine you son’s death Ms. Sheehan? How can you drag his cause through the Crawford mud? How would he feel if he could see his mother, the celebrity pawn? Instead of protesting the cause for which your son gave his life, perhaps you would best serve his memory by honoring his life work? Admittedly, the war in Iraq has cost us the lives of nearly 2000 of our nation’s most noble youth since the advent of our second coalition in Iraq. That this is a high price is not refuted! However, these servicemen fight for a just cause. Do not forget that in the past weeks terrorists have claimed the lives of innocents: 56 in London, 88 in Egypt, and HUNDREDS in multiple Iraqi car bombings-the latest of which killed people on the way home from funerals for loved ones claimed in the previous week’s bombing. Should they not be stopped? Or do we await another disaster on our soil (of which civilian life lost in one day is greater than the whole of our forces' casualies) to reinspire the fires of outrage in our flighty liberal friends?

Thanks Marla, for putting into words what many of us are feeling.

My Take On Things

I've spent a lot of time today reading blogs, and some that I've enjoyed in the past have gotten so hostile and abusive without any positive spin whatsoever, that I've had to remove them from my favorites. Which saddens me, because the talent out there is amazing and I am so envious of much of it. I understand anger, trust me. Brought up by an abusive mother that was either in a drunken slumber or beating the crap out of me and calling me names I didn't deserve (yet), and a dad that lived where he worked and didn't seem to notice the bruises or welts on us when he did come home, put anger and myself on a first name basis. But when I was older, I forgave them and I loved them...because I chose to.
Someday I'll do a blog on my past (okay, several...a series, whatever) but right now, what I'm talking about is that anger without direction is crippling.
I can use my anger and disgust with child abuse by counseling the abused and by exposing the abuser.
I can use my anger and disgust at Saddam Hussein by sending aid to those who defeated him and to those whom he wronged.
I chose to not let the anger that fested inside me cripple me emotionally and chose, instead, to direct it in a way that would be beneficial, not only to myself, but to others. This, I believe, gave me back the control that was taken away from me.
Spewing hate, insults, and obscenities does nothing but rally like minded into a frenzy. This is sad, because so many doing the 'spewing' have so much talent that if they directed it in a positive way, one can only imagine the impact they would have.

Canton Trade Days / My Good Times

It was a great weekend. We left on Saturday morning and took the long route through the country, because I wanted to get some pictures this weekend. The third time I went to take a picture, my camera's viewing screen was shattered. Big heart stopping moment. The only thing I can think of is that I must have closed it between the door and the seat somehow. Needless to say, every time I saw something I wanted to take a picture of this weekend, my heart broke. I loved this camera. But smiles and road ahead, I put it out of my mind. Actually...couldn't. I ended up calling HP (it's an R707) and this is completely unbelievable...they said no problem. They'd put a new one in the mail to me and just asked me to return the old one in the new ones box. Hey, no problem. Thanks!
Terri and I stayed at the Canton on the Square Bed and Breakfast. What a wonderful place. It was one of the original old buildings on the historic square of Canton Texas. There were 5 bedrooms with 4 bathrooms, a sitting room with a couch, 3 rockers, a small entertainment center with tv and quite a few movies, and the dining area sit up with 3 tables. The entire B&B was furnished with original antiques and each bedroom was assigned a color. We were in the Green Room with 2 queen beds. Very nice and large. More than enough room for Terri and I. Breakfast on Sunday was french toast made with bread stuffed with strawberries. It was wonderful. There was also some kind of meat, which I declined, and peaches cut in half and baked with a filling of pecans, brown sugar and butter. Delicious. The second morning we were there, we had a quiche for breakfast that had salsa and artichoke hearts in it. I have the recipe, I'll post it later.
The Trade Days were maybe a couple of blocks from where we were staying and the walk, in itself, was full of history and small houses turned antique stores. Found a great set of 4 tin canisters with black lids and windows trimmed in black in the center of the tins, probably from the 50's at the latest, in one of those shops. The Trade Days was awesome...never seen anything like it. It's the largest Trade Days in the country, so that tells you something. We walked for nearly THREE days, and did NOT see it all. My favorite purchase was a very solid wooden table that was a piece of property owned by Lone Star Gas before TXU bought the company. It has the Lone Star Gas Company's metal property labels nailed into one of the legs. I love this table.
We ate at an Italian restaurant called Val's on the square. I've never been a huge fan of Italian food, but this was amazing. We also ate at the Spanish Grill while in Canton, and it was decent, but do try Val's if you're in Canton.
We met some wonderful people while we were there. The couple we met the last day, we ended up spending most of the day with...and even then we hated to leave them. It's like you meet long lost friends that you've known forever...for the first time. I hope we stay in touch with them...
We drove home a different way, but still through the country. We visited Terrell on the way home. I've never been to any of these places, but Terri was familiar with everywhere we went. So, she was able to point things out to me, give me some history...it was fun.
While I was gone, Charlie called me to tell me about his recording Rocky (his dog) singing to opera. He's always sung to opera (Rocky, not Charlie). This time Charlie recorded him and took pictures of him singing with his phone (Charlie's, not Rocky's...lol). It's nice to know that he missed me while I was gone and wanted to share something with me. Family and friends...good times.

Gone for 3

I won't be posting for a few days. My friend, Terri, and I are heading to Canton Texas for First Monday Trade Days. I'm excited because I've never been (I'm the only person I know that hasn't been). We got a room at a historic bed and breakfast on the square and it's 2 blocks from the Trade Days! We were very lucky, because a reservation cancelled a few minutes before I called.
Y'all have a great holiday weekend. God bless and be safe.

Sometimes we do get what we want.

The other day I mentioned a post from a fellow blogger that I wanted to write about. It's from Humanity Critic's blog and he had written about what attributes a woman would have to have to be his wife, a life mate. It got me thinking about how those attributes change from when we're young and dating to older and...still dating, to married. So...hope it's okay with you James, here are how mine changed.

When I was young...like probably 90% of young girls...I was attracted to the 'bad boys'. I had so many nice guys around and I wonder how it made them feel to see me pass them by and show my interest in the guys they tried so hard not to be like. My first kiss was behind the library with a boy named Johnny that had just got out of juvie. Of course, I thought I was in love and that he was just misunderstood. I couldn't understand why my parents wouldn't give him a chance. Being a parent now, and if I had a 13 year old girl...the last boy in the world I'd let her spend time with would be a 'Johnny'.

The next 10 years were pretty much divided between the 'good guys' with a goal in mind and the 'bad boys' with the next 2 hours in mind. When I reflect, even my 'good guys' had some real streaks of 'bad boy' in them. You know that saying about how men like a woman to be "a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets"? Well, I don't know any women who don't want the same thing... There may be some women that want a wuss in the bedroom, but I've never met one, and I've never been one. But, around this age it did become more important to me that a man's mind was as good as his body. Probably in college I started to notice that I needed more than sex to stimulate me, I needed conversation. I started to become attracted to intelligence, humor and good sarcasm (which is actually the love child of intelligence and humor). By the time I met my husband, I recognized what I needed as well as wanted in a man. Actually, I may have not honestly recognized it until I met him. Maybe no one had the exact combination of all the characteristics that attracted me, intrigued me and stimulated me until I met him. But I can tell you, with him in mind, what brought me around from a date-a-night to commitment.

Intelligence, can talk to practically anyone about anything. Humor, can laugh at himself and at others, without ever being offensive. Kindness, never putting a limit on what he would do for others if they're in need...be it person or animal. Athletic, though I'm not into a lot of sports, I appreciate it that he can play any kind of ball with my boys, that he understands and can patiently explain to me (over and over and over) the rules of any game we're watching and...has great stamina. Fairness, this is a must and probably one of the most important things to me. I don't believe in cheating anyone of anything and I don't believe that anyone is born any more important than anyone else, (although ones actions can definitely raise or lessen their importance in the scheme of things). And Faith. Though I was raised atheist (agnostic at best) and stayed that way firmly till my 20's, I have a strong faith in God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit now. Thankfully, because I'll tell you a secret...I was a mess with nothing to believe in but myself, and I can't honestly ever recall even believing in myself all that much. Being able to share faith with my family is our foundation.

So, there you have it. The attributes I'd have to have in a man to spend my life with...and coincidently...the ones the man I'm spending my life with has.

Blogs and Bloggers

I'm a blog watcher. There, I've said it. I love to meet and greet other fellow bloggers out there in cyberspace. There is some fascinating stuff out there! It's completely amazing how many great writers there are that can move you to tears, laughter or action. I've never been more aware that talent isn't measured by who is on the 'best selling list'. So many people can't understand the idea of 'blogging'. It's not only a chance to voice what's on your mind, what's important to you and to share with others. It also gives us an insight into some fascinating minds and it let's us read first hand experiences of places and happenings from real people, that only the media has been able to tell us...until NOW. I'm truly thankful for blogs. And, I'm thankful to be able to direct anyone reading my blog to some truly great ones.

Reason to whine? NOT OUR SOLDIERS!!

I'm (again) copying this off of Captain John Upperman's Blog. I can't help it, it's an amazing read and something to be shared.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Texas Tough
The following story that appeared in the Austin American Statesman is about one of the soldiers injured in last week's mortar attack. I do not know the soldier, but based on his comments in the article I admire his tenacity. I have added emphasis to a couple of his quotes that caught my attention. As I have said many times before...it's all a matter of perspective.

Paramedic grateful to be alive, keeps focus on helping others.By Katie HumphreyAMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFFWednesday, August 31, 2005
Patrick Phillips has shrapnel wounds on his legs, ankles and shoulders, and it looks as if somebody took a bite out of his right hand below his pinky finger. He has had multiple surgeries to clean the sand and shrapnel out of his wounds and reconstruct the tendons in his hand.But the paramedic with Austin/Travis County Emergency Medical Services, who was serving a tour of duty in Iraq with the Texas Army National Guard, is grateful."I've been probably in the best mood in my life," he said, summing up his feelings since a mortar exploded near him in southern Iraq on Saturday. "I'm such a happy person because the opportunity for my life to be gone was there and it didn't happen."Phillips is one of about three dozen Austin-area public safety workers who are serving active tours of duty in the U.S. military.That makes for some shuffling around at home, with some public safety employees, such as firefighters, traveling to different stations or working overtime to cover shifts for active military members, said Todd Pomroy, a captain with the Austin Fire Department.Fifteen staff members from the Travis County sheriff's office are serving in the military, along with nine people from the Austin Police Department, five from the Austin Fire Department and six from Austin/Travis County EMS."It hurts, but we just double our efforts and keep on going," said Roger Wade, spokesman for the Travis County sheriff's office.Phillips and his unit, the Fort Hood-based 142nd Infantry, were doing some maintenance on a Humvee when insurgents launched a surprise mortar attack. As he and a colleague ran toward a bunker, Phillips saw a flash of light.He dove into the bunker, screaming, he said. Another member of his unit called the medics when he saw that Phillips was covered in wounds. Phillips was evacuated to a hospital in Baghdad and later transported to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany for more surgery.By Monday, Phillips, who had once been listed in critical condition, was on his feet and wandering around the hospital, chatting with other patients and going for walks."He had surgery that morning and a few hours later was trying to push another soldier to the Internet cafe with his injured hand," said his wife, Heather Phillips, who is also a paramedic. "I got onto him a little bit, and I threatened to call the nurses' station and have his shoes taken away from him."Patrick Phillips' attitude doesn't surprise his co-workers at Austin/Travis County EMS, who said he has done nothing but downplay the severity of his injuries to assuage the fears of loved ones and reach out to others who are in worse shape than he is."He tried to make light of injuries so his wife wouldn't be worried," said Jason Martin, senior district commander over operations at Austin/Travis County EMS. "Even when he's hurt, he's helping people."Heather Phillips said she expects her husband of one year to be back in the United States by the end of the week. He will have to spend a week or two in a military hospital to have surgeries to repair his right hand. Then he will be able to come home to continue rehabilitation at the house Heather bought while he was overseas."The first day he called me, Saturday morning, he said, 'You know, I'm going to be fine. The good news is that I'm getting a Purple Heart, so we don't ever have to pay for vehicle registration anymore,' " Heather Phillips said, laughing.

Once again, Johns blog addy is: http://uppermansblog.blogspot.com/