Perception
We have a tendency to look at people through glasses colored by our own perception. Sometimes we perceive people to be greater than they actually are and then we're disappointed in them, other times we're blown away that we didn't see someones potential. It's all about perception.
People don't often let you see the real 'them'. There are so many layers to who we are; seldom are we the person we appear to be to others. People I worked with every single day had no idea we'd lost our home. People I laughed with every day had no idea I'd cried at night when my heart was broken.
Life is like a movie screen and what people see is merely the picture we project. Anyone can pretend to be anything, remember Ted Bundy? People are constantly putting on an act that is shown specifically for the audience that surrounds them. Life can be exhausting pretending every day to be someone you're not, to feel things you don't, and sometimes wondering if even you know who you really are.
I still have trouble figuring out who I am. I'll be honest and say that, sometimes, I feel trapped being who everyone around me thinks I am. Am I that person? And if I'm not, would they like the person who hides behind this persona? I've always been shy but that's not what people see. I project a stronger personality on the screen of life than what honestly resides within. I hide insecurity with humor and attitude, but just because I hide my insecurities in no way diminish their reality.
Maybe because I know I'm so different than the person I project, I rarely believe in first impressions. Sadly, I've found that the only impression to be true is, too often, one's last impression.
People don't often let you see the real 'them'. There are so many layers to who we are; seldom are we the person we appear to be to others. People I worked with every single day had no idea we'd lost our home. People I laughed with every day had no idea I'd cried at night when my heart was broken.
Life is like a movie screen and what people see is merely the picture we project. Anyone can pretend to be anything, remember Ted Bundy? People are constantly putting on an act that is shown specifically for the audience that surrounds them. Life can be exhausting pretending every day to be someone you're not, to feel things you don't, and sometimes wondering if even you know who you really are.
I still have trouble figuring out who I am. I'll be honest and say that, sometimes, I feel trapped being who everyone around me thinks I am. Am I that person? And if I'm not, would they like the person who hides behind this persona? I've always been shy but that's not what people see. I project a stronger personality on the screen of life than what honestly resides within. I hide insecurity with humor and attitude, but just because I hide my insecurities in no way diminish their reality.
Maybe because I know I'm so different than the person I project, I rarely believe in first impressions. Sadly, I've found that the only impression to be true is, too often, one's last impression.
posted by kathi | 7:50 PM
8 Comments:
How interesting, Kathi. I've had similar thoughts about myself. When I tell people I'm shy, no one believes me, because they rarely or never see it. I've fought to overco
The most curious thing is that it has become who I am, so thoroughly that I'm only aware of it occasionally myself. I still have trouble walking alone into a room of strangers; I don't like eating alone in public; I have difficulty starting a conversation with a stranger. Otherwise, I have learned to believe in myself to a great degree.
I guess I "forget" about the shyness with the practice over the years. I hope you can as well. :)
People see a very strong person in me, I see and feel someone weak who needs a hand and often a shoulder to cry on but I am afraid to cry because those who like me for what I am not, might not like me for who I am.
Do I like myself?
This is very reflective for me. I know I'm much different than I present. There is a part of me that I keep hidden too.
lynilu ~ I'm use to it. You play a part long enough and it's second nature. I've been playing it a very long time.
jbt ~ "because those who like me for what I am not, might not like me for who I am." BEST LINE EVER.
rose ~ I'm sure it's something we all do at times. Even when you don't care what others think of you, you still find yourself camouflaging yourself...self preservation I guess. Or, a self esteem issue, which is funny because when you think someone's "full" of themselves, they may actually be hiding. :)
I'm the opposite! Whatever season of life I'm traveling everyone will know, especially those closest to me, and if you're lucky, the deli man will notice too. Like this Saturday past, a wave of emotions overtook me and the tears fell.
I must stay true to who I am. Nevertheless, I don't see it as a weakness, and my close friends here say how strong I am. :)
I've been going through (in my head) a sort of identity crisis... who am I really? Wife mother friend - yes but as that what defines me and if that's so, is that ok?
All that to say that life is hunky dory on my blog but internally I struggle. First, middle and end impressions aren't always to be trusted... there is always so much more under the surface.
Sorry, I rambled. I'll probably post about my quarter life crisis soon;~)
Gosh Kathi...seems as though many of us can relate. I too struggle with who I really am and try to put on a happy face to gloss over the issues that I struggle with internally.
Insecurities play a big role in my life as well. They have guided many choices that I have made through the years that I have come to regret.
powerful kumar. I am so happy to tell you that Frank and I just got back from a wonderful second honey moon in Greece after renewing our vows. After being married for 10 years and 2 kids later, the luster had been long gone from our marriage until I found you. Our first wedding was in front of a judge, quick and to the point because neither of us could afford more. Our vow renewal was everything that we wanted and the honeymoon was absolutely amazing! It feels like we have fallen in love for the first time all over again. I owe you a big hug!powerful kumar(powerfulkumarspell@yahoo.com)
Thanks! ~ Cora, United States, Los Angeles, CA
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