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MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Making a difference

There is very little that we can go through that others haven't been through before us...or won't go through after us. That's hard to remember, or believe, when we are going through something ourselves.

Isolation makes hard times more difficult, even though it's often our first response. I'm extremely guilty of this. Because of the person I am, my first response is always to withdraw, to keep people from getting too close. Often when my friends will ask me what is new...what's going on in my life, my first instinct is to change the subject. They'll often call me on it, but if I don't want to talk about something, I don't. And usually I don't.

Casey is like this too.

This last year has been very hard on him. He's hurt. I see it, I understand it. Though I've gone through it right beside him, it's completely different for me than it is for him. I have no idea what it must feel like to have a father, who was one of your best friends, walk out without ever saying goodbye. So, though we've gone through this together, and have drawn strength from each other, I don't know how it feels to be a child abandoned. A wife...yeah, got that one down pat. But I've not been through what Casey's been through. He doesn't talk about it at church, he doesn't talk about it with his friends...or his brother. He doesn't talk about it at all.

Casey got some amazing graduation cards, all of them he'll treasure. One, though, touched him above all others. I tried to scan it onto my computer, but apparently my computer and printer are not playing nicely with each other as yet, so I'll type it out and hope that I do it justice.

Dear Casey,

I know that you don't know me or my family, but I feel that I have gotten to know you through your Mom's writings. I experienced something very similar to what you are going through with your Dad during my High School years, so I can relate to what you must be feeling. The Lord placed some incredible people in my life during that time and I pray that He does the same for you.

From what I can tell, you are an exceptional young man, and I have told your Mom before that I hope my boys have the kind of character you have when they get older. You have taken such good care of your Mom this year and, as her friend, I thank you for that.

She couldn't be more proud of you, and our family feels the same. I pray that you allow the Lord to guide your steps during the years ahead and He will bless you beyond your dreams.

Love, The Tapp Family

This was the very first card Casey received, and when he opened it, he was overwhelmed that someone he'd never met cared about him or his graduating. He read it to himself, and then asked if he could read it to Charlie and I. I got a little teary eyed and Charlie put his arm around me as Casey read it. It was one of those special moments that I'll always remember about my oldest son graduating, but what happened later engraved itself upon my heart. Later that night I went to talk to Casey, and I opened the door at the bottom of his stairs that leads to his room. There he sat, in the middle of his stairs, reading the Tapp's card. He looked up at me, and when our eyes met...well, there was a long moment of understanding. Understanding that someone else knows how he feels, understanding that someone else cares and understanding that even though we may sometimes feel like it, we are not alone.

Charlie told me that he heard Casey talking about how he feels about his dad leaving to the youth pastor a couple of days later. As far as we know, and believe, it's the first time he's opened up to someone. Michelle's card touched Casey in a way that he needed desperately.

I am so thankful for this sweet woman's heart, and for the way God used her to tell a young man she'd never met that he is not alone, that others have gone through what he is going through, and they understand.

12 Comments:

Blogger ~ Amanda X&O said...

That is incredible. What a completely selfless act. I'm sure Casey won't soon forget it either.

9:10 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

I've been reading your blog faithfully for the past few months and I even went back to read the beginning. I truly feel close to you and your boys and I wondered after reading your graduation post yesterday how his dad could have failed to even be there to watch his son graduate. That had to be so hard for Casey and I'm so sorry he had to go through that. You three are probably the tightest knit family I know (or feel like I know) and it's such an inspiration to watch the three of you communicate with one another and keep that strong bond. I really believe there is a reason for everything and also that God doesn't give us what he knows we can't handle. You are all 3 better, stronger people for having gone through this and thanks so much for sharing your story with the rest of us.

Shannon in Missouri

10:43 AM  
Blogger 3carnations said...

After reading Shannon's comment I reread your graduation post...I don't see where you say the boys' dad wasn't there. I assumed he was there, just sitting on his own...Did he not attend the graduation?

Anyway, what a sweet card Michelle sent. Even sweeter is the fact that a card from a "stranger" touched Casey so. That sounds like one of the best graduation gifts he could have asked for.

11:24 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

amanda ~ it was incredible, I know he'll not forget it. :)

shannon ~ Casey's dad did go. We didn't see him, he didn't go with us. He didn't ask to and Casey had told me he didn't want him to drive there with us, so I didn't ask him to go with us. But, he did say he went and that he was very proud of Casey. I'm really sorry if I gave the impression that he didn't go.
I appreciate very much that you've been reading my blog, and that you care about us. Thank you for letting me know that you are here, and for the encouragement. It means a lot to me.

3 c's ~ I believe he was there, we didn't see him but in a crowd such as was there, it'd been a miracle if we had. He did text me telling me he'd been there and how proud of Casey he was, and I let Casey read that.
Michelle's card meant a lot to Casey, not only that someone who didn't know him would send him something, but that someone understood. It was a great gift.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

Take it from a guy who's mom bolted when he was 6, not to be seen again for 24 years....it is best to get it out and talk about it. I held anger in for years that really did not help me in life. You are a great mom, not pressuring him...waiting for him to open up when he is ready. For the hundred bucks I am going to owe you, I would be willing to work out a deal where I could break both legs of said father...lol...(kidding in case the po po are reading this, lol.) Again kathi...you are doing a great job. I needed a mother like you. Very cool.

12:46 PM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Sorry to Kathi and the other readers and to Casey & his dad. I don't know what gave me the impression that his dad wasn't there, but somehow I got it. I'm so sorry for even commenting on it as it's really none of my business.

I share my daughter with her dad and he never feels it's important to attend anything she does. I'm absolutely sure he will be at her graduation and I'm sure I'll know it as he'll bring the girlfriend and their kids along:0) Again, I'm sorry for assuming. It really was a great card though and I'm proud of anyone that graduates - it's such an accomplishment, even in today's world.

12:51 PM  
Blogger 3carnations said...

Oh, good. I'm so glad he was there. Simply because on top of everything else, he certainly didn't need to blow off his oldest son's graduation. That would just be something else that would need to be forgiven.

12:52 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

tom ~ thanks, that was a sweet offer (LOL) but I rely on support, you know, and if he had 2 broken legs, it may be a set back to me financially. Silly guy. But thanks for the kind words!

shannon ~ oh, hon, not to worry!

3 c's ~ that's true. :)

1:07 PM  
Blogger LoveLladro said...

i am glad to see casey talking about it with someone... being abandoned by a parent is a very rough thing to go through... many prayers for him and charlie (and you too darling!)

12:37 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Wow, isn’t it amazing how people can touch our hearts? I got all teary-eyed myself reading through this post. The letter from Michelle was absolutely beautiful and so loving. Wish there were more people like her in the world… Those who take the time to understand, empathize and care.

The difference in the abandonment that you’ve both experienced has to be hard regardless. It’s a blessing that you & your sons are together, **communicating** and being so open. It’ll affect the way they view this entire ordeal when they’re older. When kids don’t communicate enough about it, it trickles into fear of abandonment issues beyond the norm.

I’m glad you’re there for them, and that you have amazing friends like Michelle who has touched all of your hearts!

God bless!

2:19 PM  
Blogger Rosemarie said...

God orchestrates events like these to help us along our journey. Don't be surprised your son will be reaching out to another hurting teen soon enough.

2:32 AM  
Blogger DaBich said...

Sweet! Some people are special the way they reach out to others. Casey and your entire family has been truly blessed.

4:50 AM  

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