.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

My Photo
Name:
Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Sunday, May 06, 2007

I Remember Him

Years ago I fell hard for a man. He may have been the love of my life, I don't know. My life isn't over, so who's to say? But when this man came into my life, everything about my world changed.
I remember being afraid at first. I was in awe because everything about him touched some part of me. I'd not felt that before, and I'll readily admit I was afraid. I wasn't the sort of girl in high school that fell in and out of love. I wasn't that sort of girl in college. I can count the number of men I've said 'I love you' to on one hand and still not use all five fingers. Love was a commitment I wasn't willing to make most of my life.
I remember telling him once that I was afraid of falling in love. He told me to go ahead and fall, that he'd catch me. He was true to his word.
Every single thing about this man made me happy. I loved his humor, his laugh could melt my heart and, I kid you not, merely thinking about him once made my knees go so weak that I had to lean against a wall to keep from falling.
I knew passion with this man. I realized I'd not known it before him, and I don't think I've known it since him...not that kind of raw, freedom to express anything and everything, mental, emotional and physical, sort of passion.
Because of life's circumstances, this man and I went our different ways, but there were never any hard feelings. We remained friends for a long time. So much history, so many emotions, so many memories. Still.
I wonder if I'll ever, again, have the sort of feelings I had for this man so long ago. I wonder if I've hardened my heart so much over this last year, if it's even possible for me to let someone get that close to me. Will I have that same fear of letting myself fall so completely...and if I over come that fear, will someone catch me again? Does that kind of passion happen more than once in a life time? Is it worth the risk to find out?
For many years I've kept his memory at a safe distance. Now, sometimes in those moments late at night, right before sleep comes, I remember him.

14 Comments:

Blogger Nancy said...

Wow. Beautiful description of your feelings... I remember those feelings, too. My heart isn't the same, either, and my ability to feel that kind of love evaporated long ago, married or not. Horrible, I know. I'm not sure I could replicate that feeling now. I'm wounded and have severed quite a few nerves. I wish I wasn't so numb. Maybe with time.

But that's just me.

8:33 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

What a beautiful story Kathi. I think sometimes when we've been hurt so badly, the only way that we can ever truly have that kind of unabandoned love again is just through the Lord healing us. And it doesn't happen for everyone, because we have to let Him and that is hard to do.

I hope that you will let Him heal those wounds, and allow your heart to forget the pain that you feel. I pray that you will.

8:47 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Wow, intense story Kath. I don’t think we’ll ever forget out ‘true loves’, but I will say this. It does happen again, if your walls aren’t so high. Let yourself become vulnerable, without the thought of getting hurt. Love like you’ve never been hurt before. (I know, old saying.) That’s exactly what I had to do before getting into my current relationship. It’s easier said, but worth it when you decide to fall.

Love you for sharing this!

9:02 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

Nancy ~ numb is a good way to put it. I want to feel this again, someday...but I don't know if I'm up for the challenge of it.

michelle ~ this has been one of my prayers, that I will know this kind of love, that I will be able to recognize and accept it, again. Thank you.

deb ~ I knew I'd get that response from you. I knew it. Having had it once, I definitely know it's worth it... I love you too!

10:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love
True Love
One True Love

The only way to find it, or to find if you have ever really had it is to search again. There is something that the bible said, or was it Abba? Oh well, I forget. Whomever said it, it reigns true.

Love Never Fails.
1 CORINTHIANS 14:1

1:29 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

anon ~ God's love never fails, sadly man's love fails all the time...and usually at the worst possible time. (oh, btw, it's 13:8 :) )

2:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stands corrected. How annoying.

3:44 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

anon ~ lol, sorry. Wish I could say that's the first time I've heard that.

3:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well all I got to say is....i luv u!

12:28 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

abi ~ love you more!

6:48 AM  
Blogger Leesa said...

Sometimes I think that we love more freely when we are young. Before we experience pain.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Anne said...

That was a good post Kathi. Made me a little sad. But not in a bad way.

10:03 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

leesa ~ when we're invincible, right?

anne ~ I'm sorry babe. I know exactly what kind of "way" it is. Love you.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Rosemarie said...

A love that's uninhibited. Have you seen "Bridges Over Madison County" with Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood? This romance is the best! Talk about love from a distance and journeys through time. I just watched it again last week.

Anyway, it's possible to have that and better...where there's no parting of ways.

I pray that your life-long love is lurking just around the bend.

11:50 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home