What would you do?

What would you do if you had one year to live? What would be first and foremost on your mind to do? I imagine I'd want to do many of the things I've wanted to do, but haven't...thinking that there would be time. I'd like to take some of the mission trips that I've let fall through the cracks thinking 'next time'. I'd take the vacations I've put off thinking I needed to take care of this or that first. I'd travel to the places I've always wanted to go, but thought I shouldn't spend the money on myself.

What would you do if you had one month to live? I imagine I'd want to see people that I've put off visiting, thinking that sooner or later we'd get together. With me, sadly, later is often acceptable. I hope the people I care for know that it's a character flaw with me and not a reflection of how important they are to me. I seldom hurry. I'm much more of a 'ride in the country with the windows down' than a 'pedal to the metal to make a reservation' kind of girl. I tend to focus on the ride more than the destination. Still, I'd be remiss to not let those I love and care about know how important they were in my life.

What would you do if you had one week to live? I'd want to have my boys with me. I'd want them to know all of my secrets that I thought I'd tell them one day and make sure all their questions were answered. There are so many things I wished I'd asked my mom before she passed unexpectedly, and so many things I wish I could have said. I'd want to hold their hands, touch their faces and try with every fiber of my being to let them know how special they are and how much they are loved.

What would you do if you had one day to live? I'd want to spend it smiling. I'd want to listen to my favorite music, feel the sun on my face and know His peace. I'd want to share with others how much I've loved my life...I've appreciated the good and never resented the bad. You can't love with a resentful heart, and I've loved.

What would you do if you had one minute to live? I'd fall to my knees and say 'thank you', because with all of my heart, for this life that I've had, I am so very thankful.

Perception

We have a tendency to look at people through glasses colored by our own perception. Sometimes we perceive people to be greater than they actually are and then we're disappointed in them, other times we're blown away that we didn't see someones potential. It's all about perception.

People don't often let you see the real 'them'. There are so many layers to who we are; seldom are we the person we appear to be to others. People I worked with every single day had no idea we'd lost our home. People I laughed with every day had no idea I'd cried at night when my heart was broken.

Life is like a movie screen and what people see is merely the picture we project. Anyone can pretend to be anything, remember Ted Bundy? People are constantly putting on an act that is shown specifically for the audience that surrounds them. Life can be exhausting pretending every day to be someone you're not, to feel things you don't, and sometimes wondering if even you know who you really are.

I still have trouble figuring out who I am. I'll be honest and say that, sometimes, I feel trapped being who everyone around me thinks I am. Am I that person? And if I'm not, would they like the person who hides behind this persona? I've always been shy but that's not what people see. I project a stronger personality on the screen of life than what honestly resides within. I hide insecurity with humor and attitude, but just because I hide my insecurities in no way diminish their reality.

Maybe because I know I'm so different than the person I project, I rarely believe in first impressions. Sadly, I've found that the only impression to be true is, too often, one's last impression.