Fair Is Fair
My friend, Abi, sent this to me yesterday. I've changed it just a little. I hope y'all enjoy it.
From a guys point of view......
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up when she says "I don't feel like it, can you just hold me for awhile?"
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit. We went into the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?" I then said "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either
From a guys point of view......
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up when she says "I don't feel like it, can you just hold me for awhile?"
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit. We went into the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?" I then said "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either
posted by kathi | 10:18 PM
18 Comments:
ha ha, that was funny :-)
cheers
i'm curious what you changed :)
that's pretty funny, and frankly appropriate almost. although that one is tough for me because i know a lot of (and tend to be) women who aren't hugely into sex. they don't mind, they enjoy it on occasion but it's nto something they want all the time.
and all the ones who have had long relationships start talking about how they're afraid to even hug their husbands for fear he'll take it as a come-on.
i just can't laugh at anything can i? :)
the correct answer is "that was really funny" but i want to go on a rant about the socio-psychological ramifications of it all.
That was great!
i've seen something similar somewhere before, but that doesn't make it any less funny ... heh
tbg ~ I thought so too.
sassYYYY ~ girl...did you read the beginning of it where it said it's from a GUYS point of view!!
Yeah, way to earn those points back, LOL. Though I've got to say, with E's, understandable and yet still painful.
brea ~ I thought it was funny. :)
dzer ~ sure you have hon, probably not alot of new stuff out there. My first time to see it though. Still funny (and true). :) :)
I see you had deleated one of my comments were i just had told you a thing about Divorse laws in Islam.
Maybe you did not want othrs to learn about it any way u have Got it !
~nasir
nasir ~ I've never deleted anyones comment (unless it's spam). Are you sure you checked the right post?
nasir ~ it's there, but you commented under the name Jeelani. Not to worry, I wouldn't delete you.
LOL! I've read it before, and I love it every time. :)
I don't understand. Sex is somehow related to shopping??? Shopping for sex? I'm lost. Anytime I want sex I just buy another glove, get a right handed manicure, or once in a while when I'm feeling silly I will just ignore the right hand and just talk to the left...somehow jealousy wins the day. I have been blessed in that my first wife just wanted to drive me crazy and was not one for material things...(unless other men are material...) and my second wife was happy with booze and crack. I wonder what rightie's doing tonight...hahaha...
Very funny!
One more thing...
Your post the other day about teaching Geography in Texas got me thinking. Thinking for me is usually something that is not good for anyone concerned, and turns out badly most of the time. It’s like a bad drug; I just keep doing it and doing it waiting for a different result. Here are a few thoughts about teaching Geography in Texas…
1. What do you say about our Mexican brethren to the south? They are part of Texas, just undeclared? Is it really just Texico? How can there be illegal immigrants in Texas, when Mexico and Texas are really one in the same?
2. Do you actually teach the names of states around Texas or are they just known as non-Texas states? NTS and Texas, that’s it.
3. George Bush claims Texas as his home state, yet went to Yale. That tells me everything I need to know about Texas, it’s not good hon…it’s not good.
4. JFK was killed in Texas, yet Jack Ruby was allowed to live there with impunity? How do you explain that, missy?
5. How come you guys are the lone star state? Seems a bit egocentric to me. What is that star about anyway? Do you tell the kids that it is the Star of David, wait that might not go over too well…damned PC crowd.
6. If football is a religion in Texas, then what is religion?
7. Why do you guys need so much land down there? Are you Texans plotting an overthrow of the good people of the north? Am I going to have to wear a 30-gallon hat, chew tebaccy, have a gun rack on my SUV, and say things like Darlin and y’all without laughing so hard I might need depends? Say it ain’t so Kathi….
Glad you liked it Kathi, will send more as they come to me.
xoxo
Abi
Still funny...I received that in an e mail a few months ago.
For a minute there, I thought you got a sex change! *Weew*
This was hysterical! OMG! I LOVED IT! ...
I gotta do that to Madelene!!!! (The purchasing a diamond tennis bracelet tease) No--I never withhold. Never listen to her. NEVER! lol
oh i get it's the guys point of view and from the way the story is told he's even right...
and still i can't help but think of all the deeper connotations to that. just can't ever not notice that kind of crap.
like today, at the market, i looked up and there was a poster with a toddler playing in the water and the word seafood down the side...
and i was vaguely disturbed and i pointed it out to clarity and she didn't notice. so i was like 'doesn't that sort of imply that the toddler frolicking in the water is seafood?'
and she's like 'oh, yeah, i guess it does'
but not too many people i know just do that and i can't turn it off. it makes jokes hard for me :)
MY NEW HERO!!!!
Hahahaha!
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