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MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Friday, January 12, 2007

No Re-Do's

We're having some great fall weather here in my sweet little area of Texas that I call home.  Yeah, I know it's winter, but they say we may still get a bit of that in the next few days.  I love a cloudy, cool day.  If you add some rain to that, darlin, I'm in heaven. 

 

Ya know, sometimes we all feel a bit helpless.  All of us.  I'm assuming that everyone that reads my drivel on here is an adult  (I'm being generous with Epsilonicus and Heart *teasing guys, I love you both*), and carries the responsibilities that life brings with it.  There are relationships, responsibilities, bills, decisions every single day needing to be made that will have an effect on tomorrow, next week and next year.  It's not easy.  It doesn't matter whether you're 18 or 80, your decisions today will decide your tomorrow.

 

I've made some lousy decisions in my past.  Seriously, lousy doesn't even do them justice.  Starting drugs and drinking around 13, completely wasted my high school years.  Carried those habits with me to college and wasted my time and my parents money my freshman year.  Hitched around ending up in Florida, instead of going back to college my sophomore year.  Met some decent people in Florida, but opted to live with the not so decent and wasted another year.  Went back home and back to college, but on my own dime this time, and I took it more seriously.  Working that summer between sophomore and junior years at college, I fell back into old habits and made the same bad decisions I'd been making all my life.  School started without me and after awhile I ended up married to a guy making all the same stupid decisions I was making.  I think the only reason we got married was because we were both trying to stop the other from sleeping with other people.  Not the right reason to get married.  Jealousy does not equal love.  Neither one of us took the marriage seriously, but it lasted about 5 years.  Two people, both on a road of self destruction...not a lot you can do to save it. 

 

Somehow I just managed to cram 11 years into one paragraph.  Sure, I left out details, but if you want details you'll have to buy the book. (No, there isn't any book)  My point here is that my decisions set a pattern that I couldn't see, I was blinded to it because I was out of control.  Did I know I was out of control?  No.  People told me I was, people who loved me...and people who didn't, but I didn't listen.  I remember wishing they'd all leave me alone and just let me live my life.  MY life.   But you know what?  Unless you're living on an island by yourself and you have absolutely no family whatsoever, living life for yourself and yourself alone is just not possible without hurting and even destroying the lives of others.  It just isn't.  Every single decision you make has an effect on your life and your life is a part of someone else's.  Like it or not, that is just the way it is. 

 

I watch my kids needing to make decisions of their own now.  Sometimes I really want to step in, but they're not toddlers anymore and I can't force them to do what I think they should.  I may try to suggest something, sometimes I'm greeted with an eye roll and an "I want to do this myself", and I'll step back.  It's tough.  *Okay, I don't step back 100% of the time, but if it's not going to kill them, lead them on the road to prison or cost me huge bucks, I do.*  But we all have to learn our own lessons.  My lesson for today is: Every decision you make is important.  Weigh it, pray over it, ask advice...but make your decisions today with thoughts of tomorrow, because, sadly, you can never turn back time.

 

Do I regret the decisions I've made in my youth...and some more recent?  I've always said that I didn't because they've made me the person that I am today.  Recently, I've began to wonder if that's true.  Regrets are useless and a waste of time unless they move you into action that benefits yourself or others.  But, I believe that God knew me before I was born, and I was created to be that specific 'someone' that He knew.  However, being human and having the right to decide for ourselves, well, we all fall short.  Some more than others...and I fell way short.  So, I fell, I got up, stumbled and fell again, and I'm up now.  I make no promises for tomorrow, other than to promise to make my decisions as wisely as possible, not only for myself, but for those I love.

 

And if that was way to serious for y'all, did any of you catch 'The Office' last night? The boys and I lauged till we were crying.  Funny stuff.  Can I change a subject or what?   :)

Hugs to all.

18 Comments:

Blogger bbsgirl said...

It's been forever since I've stopped by here to read one of your posts.....so today I stop by and read something so useful and something I need to hear. I've been having some "issues" and simply trying to cop out on why I feel so up and down about the decisions I've made lately in my life and blame everything on starting to go through menopause. In a little over a week, I'll be 46 years old and I need to stop having all these emotional upsets and pay more attention to the decisions I make that put me into situations that drag me down.

Thank you for allowing me to go on and on in my comment....sheesh. Good read today and I'll take alot away with me to think on.

Oh..and though I missed the Office lastnight....I love that show.

12:53 PM  
Anonymous 3carnations said...

I missed the office - Because my son was going potty! Well worth missing the show. That was an exciting moment on its own.

I don't regret a moment of my life. Are there things I would do differently if faced with them today? Absolutely. But as you said, every mistake I've made, every joy, every sorrow...All of them are a part of who I am today. I wouldn't change that for the world.

2:35 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

jan ~ I'm thrilled that any of this was actually worth reading for someone! Thanks so much! I'm also glad you stopped by.

carnations ~ I've said that all my life (well, for the last 25 years anyway), but I am wondering now if the person I am today comes close to the person I was created to be. However, like I said today, regrets are useless unless they move you to action in positive way. Would I be the person I am today if I'd not made the same bad decisions...no, I'm sure I wouldn't be. I believe I'd be all that I am today and more. Am I sure of it? Nope, lol...I'm just thinking today.
YAY for your son going to the potty!! Good times. *hint* I don't see anything wrong with teaching a boy to pee sitting down on the toilet, trust me, you'll save yourself ALOT of cleaning time. :)

3:04 PM  
Blogger Epsilonicus said...

Like Jay-Z said:

This is the number one rule for your set
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets
And through our travels we get seperated, never forget
In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets

I look at the stupid decisions that I made as lessons on what not to do. I think about them, figure out the lesson involved (this takes the longest time lol) and move on. Then I use those regrets as reminders of what not to do.

I have not problem being the youngest reader. I look at what you do and try to analyze the good and the bad. I tkae wisdom from you.

3:06 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

epsilonicus ~ there's bad here? ;) Kidding. You know how much I admire you. Your story is amazing and one of trials and triumph. You never cease to make me proud of you. If you find wisdom here, I'm flattered.

4:04 PM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

Hmmm.

5:29 PM  
Blogger samuru999 said...

Always wisdom, beauty and deep meaning in your words, Kathi!
Thanks for sharing!

And thanks for the prayers!
I am back home again, and my sister is doing better!

Have a wonderful weekend with your sons!

Margie

8:22 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

tom ~ yeah, right back at'cha

margie ~ you, my friend, are too kind. YAY for your sisters health and you being home!

9:04 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I personally feel like it's good to have regrets, but the key is to let them go. By having regrets it helps me remember what I don't want to do or go through again, but to not beat myself up over them.

I think the thing that will be the hardest for me in raising my children is to let them make decision that I know are wrong. I just pray that God will give me the wisdom I need when that time comes.

Thanks for your wonderful post Kathi, I truly enjoy reading the things that you have on your heart!!

8:50 AM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

I cried when I watched the Office, just because of how lame it was...to be brutally honest. Decisions that you make do affect, effect, and a few other ects I cannot think of. Most of the time it is not something they cannot get over though. I think sometimes in life that decisions are over thought. I think your first decision is most of the time your best one. Your kids will make their mistakes, it's part of the whole growing up deal. They have a good mom, so just be ready with the bail money if it is ever needed. As far as your past, I really need some proof. Girls gone wild videos? How about just posing for an art class? You thought the pictures would not ever leave the University? Come on something, I need something...hehe. I don't think you are the only one with a sordid past. I have one, but I am pretty sure I am not done with it...just taking a good guy hiatus for a bit. LOL. Nice post. Have not had a bratcher post in a while, it was much needed.

5:43 PM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

Thus, Hmmm was explained.

5:44 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

Not too heavy at all. I think it was a great post.

Some people never give thought to tomorrow. By your own admission you used to be one of them. I've always marvelled at people that can live only in the moment. I'm always thinking about tomorrow. I've decided that I have to find a good balance between enjoying the moment and thinking/worrying about how today's decisions will affect me later.

Kudos to you for teaching your kids how to make decisions on their own.

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Kathi!!! Girl, I missed you so much, that I MADE a conscious effort to come by your site and see how you and your family has been. I hope all is well and that Charlie's still wrestling and writing songs....hopefully you got the boys doing what they should do which is modeling..lol.
Miss you so so much Kathi!! You know I need your wisdom and advice!!! Your the blogging mommy with all the answers!!!..lol.
GeorgiaPeach

12:27 PM  
Blogger DaBich said...

Great post, kathi! Regrets? We all have them, but if we're smart, we learn from them and do better, which is what YOU have done. God Bless!

2:42 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

michelle ~ I look at regrets as being great motivators. My sweet friend, your kids are so blessed to have you and your hubby, you have no need to be concerned. Simply give thanks. :)

tom ~ you honestly didn't like the office's last show? Seriously guy, we have nothing in common anymore.

shawn ~ thanks. I've got an email going your way.

dabich ~ thank you! You're too kind to me, but please don't stop! HUG'S! And right back at'cha with the blessing!

7:33 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

Georgia Peach ~ Girl I nearly missed your comment. I was smiling ear to ear to see your name again!! Do drop me a line and tell me how you've been!

7:42 PM  
Anonymous newwritergirl said...

If it wasn't from our life's experiences who would we be? How would we share our lessons learned to help others and how would we know how to figure out who we are? Sometimes our past makes us stronger...there should be no regrets, only lessons to make us better...

1:54 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Our past is what makes up our ingredients. If we didn't go through "this", then we wouldn't have learned "that". Looking back, it makes for one good movie, don't you think? It's weird, I was nudged to write about my past in my blog as well. We all learn from it...it's whether or not we change for the better...and you certainly have!

My skeletons are deep within those dark closets babe! (ha) Me in the closet! Shush!

xxoo

2:13 PM  

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