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MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

When Sleep Won't Come

Sometimes, when the darkness won't give me peace, when the silence is deafening, I think about you. As much as I hate to admit it, thoughts of you still bring me peace. Remembering your smile calms me. Hearing your laughter as I lay quietly, replaces the sound of the blades of the fan going round, and round and round, only they're real...and your laughter is but a distant pounding of my heart.

I remember laying next to you, believing that everything was right with my world. I remember waking up to the touch of your fingers stroking my back, and knowing that as long as I lived, I'd never be this happy again. I remember loving you. I remember you loving me.

I loved the person I was when I was with you, the person I was when we belonged to each other. I was more myself with you than I was when I was alone. Smiling was easier for me then. Your love stirred me to the center of my being, you were my core.

Thoughts of being with you consumed me. The part you played in my life completed who I was. When I couldn't be with you, part of me was missing, and sometimes it was physically more painful than I could bear, and sometimes I'd cry.

I remember when our love was easy and our silence comfortable...and then I remember when it wasn't. I remember loving you so much that my life didn't make sense without you...and then I remember when it didn't make sense with you anymore. I remember hurting, I remember doubting myself, I remember having to pick myself up and moving on.

It's been a long time now, and still I can't get you out of my head when darkness won't let me rest and silence mimics you whispering my name.

I remember loving you. I remember you loving me.

31 Comments:

Blogger Genna said...

VERY beautiful. VERY moving.

12:32 AM  
Blogger Anne said...

Awh kathi..that was beautiful..and sad as well..

7:08 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

genna & anne ~ awwww, look, two of my favorite people so early in the morning!! Thanks for the kind words, and it's just life, ya know? All been through it, nearly all of us get over it and grow.
Hugs to both of you beautiful and strong women!

8:10 AM  
Blogger Johnnie Avocado said...

Kathi,
That was beautifully written. I'm sure I'll learn more about this as our friendship grows.

8:19 AM  
Anonymous 3carnations said...

Your post was beautiful and made me think of another of your posts, so I dug back a couple weeks in your blog to find it - 4/3: Different Roads. Sounds like maybe you did experience a broken heart after all.

The funny thing about reflecting on those "Remember whens" - I normally am jolted out of those as quickly as they started when I realize that without them (the good and the bad) I wouldn't have the very happy family and life I have today. So, the things I once thought I couldn't live without...I'm now so grateful I don't live WITH now. It's amazing to realize that all things truly DO happen for a reason.

8:20 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Sounds like you're tapping into my brain. I've been going through this type of thought pattern myself. Was this a writing exercise? Because this was absolutely beautiful---or was this something you really experienced? EITHER WAY---I loved this post!

8:38 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

johnnie ~ thanks, and LOL, what makes you so sure? LOL :)

3carnations ~ thanks, and you're taking for granted that this post was about me. :)
AND wow, can't believe you remembered that and dug it out. I didn't remember what you were talking about and had to search it myself. You get the gold star for the day sugar!!

8:41 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

deb ~ then it was a success.

8:52 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Well...1st off I just wanted to apologize...then it hit me...we've never met...so it couldn't have been me.

Nice post though!

9:22 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

mike ~ LOL, forever the eternal smartass. No wonder I'm so crazy about you. Thanks.

9:29 AM  
Blogger Shawn said...

There was so much passion and love and heartache dripping from someone's pen when they wrote this.

11:33 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

nice kathi... lovely way to start the second half of my day.

and i don't care if it's true or not but i suspect that it is :)

12:33 PM  
Blogger Puffin said...

Wow...that was quite moving... Leaves one wondering , wanting to know more... great writing!

12:50 PM  
Blogger Leesa said...

I loved this passage as well.

2:52 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

shawn ~ lol, really? That means you didn't like it, doesn't it?

sass ~ glad you liked it, 2nd half?

puffin ~ thank you so much.

leesa ~ thank you, that means a lot to me.

4:21 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

kathi my wednesdays are funny

get up at 5:30, teach until 7:30 or 9am ... go back to bed until noon/one and then teach from 2-8:30 or so... although today i have a break from 3-7:30 also...

5:43 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

sass ~ wow, I'm impressed, and worn out.

7:53 PM  
Blogger Wes said...

I have felt that exact way.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), that only lasted for a few days until I regained my senses and realized what a mistake she was. ;-)

Personal experiences and jokes aside, GREAT STUFF HUN!

9:00 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

wes ~ I think that's the first time I've received real praise from you, very cool, thank you.

10:22 PM  
Blogger Da-Dale, From Ca-Canada said...

Very Touching Indeed.

10:29 PM  
Blogger True Blue Guy said...

Very touching. Sometimes thoughts are all we have left at the end of the day and they can make things better in an instant

cheers

10:42 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

da-dale ~ couldn't have asked for a more qualified critic.

tbg ~ or worse. :) Thanks darlin, glad you liked it.

11:51 PM  
Blogger DZER said...

very emotive and evocative post kathi ... thanks for sharing it :)

4:31 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

dzer ~ with as busy as you are, surprised you found the time to read it. Thanks guy.

5:53 AM  
Blogger Keasty said...

Powerful stuff Kathi. Thanks for that. Now I know a bit more about you. What a writer! Gee I woulda loved to have met you while in Texas!

6:42 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

keasty ~ thanks so much! Yeah, and I'm sorry, sucks being so shy.

7:03 AM  
Blogger Shawn said...

I liked it

7:55 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

shawn ~ thank you, that means a lot to me.

8:10 AM  
Blogger Tom Serafini, Actor to the Stars! said...

Are you sure that was me? I could swear I was busy that day...Was there a pizza involved? Then it was me...

8:47 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

tom ~ oh, there was pizza, and it was definitely you...goof.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Bill Jones, Jr said...

Kathi, beautifully written. And you just keep getting better. :)

8:23 PM  

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