When Sleep Won't Come

Sometimes, when the darkness won't give me peace, when the silence is deafening, I think about you. As much as I hate to admit it, thoughts of you still bring me peace. Remembering your smile calms me. Hearing your laughter as I lay quietly, replaces the sound of the blades of the fan going round, and round and round, only they're real...and your laughter is but a distant pounding of my heart.

I remember laying next to you, believing that everything was right with my world. I remember waking up to the touch of your fingers stroking my back, and knowing that as long as I lived, I'd never be this happy again. I remember loving you. I remember you loving me.

I loved the person I was when I was with you, the person I was when we belonged to each other. I was more myself with you than I was when I was alone. Smiling was easier for me then. Your love stirred me to the center of my being, you were my core.

Thoughts of being with you consumed me. The part you played in my life completed who I was. When I couldn't be with you, part of me was missing, and sometimes it was physically more painful than I could bear, and sometimes I'd cry.

I remember when our love was easy and our silence comfortable...and then I remember when it wasn't. I remember loving you so much that my life didn't make sense without you...and then I remember when it didn't make sense with you anymore. I remember hurting, I remember doubting myself, I remember having to pick myself up and moving on.

It's been a long time now, and still I can't get you out of my head when darkness won't let me rest and silence mimics you whispering my name.

I remember loving you. I remember you loving me.