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MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Saturday, June 21, 2008

WHEN I CALL...

I'm a strong person. I don't back down...well, ever really. I was going to say I don't back down easily, but unless I'm in the wrong, which I have no problem admitting to, I can not be bullied. But, I do get scared. There is a verse in a song I listen to every morning that reminds me of myself when I try to have control over my own life: Sometimes I'm hiding away from the madness around me, like a child who's afraid of the dark. Scared, full of fear and doubt. No one knows better than me how terrifying this feeling is, how wasteful it is to live your life this way. The next verse: But when I call on Jesus, all things are possible, I can mount on wings like eagles' and soar. When I call on Jesus, mountains are gonna fall', cause He'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call.

See, here's the thing; I've SEEN that all things are possible, I've SEEN those mountains fall, BECAUSE I've called on Jesus. I think it was easier for me because I was raised an atheist and I was raised to doubt everything and everybody, so that when I took that leap of faith and challenged God to prove Himself to me at the age of 26, and He did, I was in hook, line and sinker. See, He didn't show me little things...He showed me big things. That very moment I said (actual words) "If You're real, prove it to me", my whole 5 room apartment, every single room, lit up with a gold glow. Seriously, like one of those yellow bug lights, but with an unreal glow. One light was on in that apartment that night at 2:30 in the morning, and yet I walked around for minutes looking at everything, amazed at what was transpiring around me. And then, I felt as if something warm was being slowly poured over my head and down my body. It was the most amazing feeling in my life. I'll never forget it. How could I possibly doubt Him when He proved Himself to me like this. Why like this? I don't know, possibly because I was such a hater. Oh yeah, I was a hater. I was a thief, a drug and sex addict...your all in all user type personality. I'd gotten off work from bartending at 2 a.m., was considering suicide, again, and because of someone witnessing to me at the bar that night, thought...well...what the hell? It's because of that ONE chance I gave Him, He showed Himself to me. Amazing grace truly saved this wretch.

One miracle after another has happened in my life since. Later that same night I turned on the t.v. to see a local charity marathon on with a man speaking that had DJ'd at a club I use to heavily party at. He was now a pastor at a non-denominational church. That next Sunday I visited that church. First church I'd ever stepped into. I sat in the back row. As I sung the words to the song they had on the screen, someone tapped me on my shoulder and said into my ear "when you get home, throw your drugs down the toilet, you don't need them anymore". Embarrassed that someone I knew might be seeing me in a church when I'd made fun of Christians all my life, I turned around to see NO ONE there. I went home and threw everything down the toilet. I'd been addicted since I was in my early teens (speed, ludes, acid, coke, you name it, I had it all) and I haven't touched them since that day. God has revealed Himself to me like this ever since.

I know I've shared this a couple of times before. However, I've gotten a few emails questioning my last post, how I've come to have the faith I have. Because I opened myself up for Him to have the opportunity to move in my life. He was waiting for me, but according to free will, I had to allow Him the opportunity to work in my life. I look back at the years before I came to Him; all the times I'd od'd and barely made it through, the four cars I totaled because I, too, was totaled at the time, my hitchhiking from Indiana to Florida and New Orleans and living for a year with one stranger after another, I see His protection was around me before I'd called on Him. If you'd asked me then, my life wasn't worth living. It was a miserable existence. Yet, He knew what my life was yet to become and though He allowed me my mistakes, He watched over me. He was waiting on me to invite Him into my life. Since I did invite Him into my life...well, one day I'll devote a post, or a series of posts, about the miracles He's worked in my life since that night in my apartment so many years ago.

Now, every morning on my way into work, I plug my ipod into my car and listen to Nicole Mullen's Call On Jesus. I drive into work every morning with happy tears, a hand raised, and my spiritual armor strong. By the time my day starts, I'm stronger than ever. I know I've put this video on my blog before, but,one more time, I want to share with y'all part of what I do every day to prepare myself for what this world will throw at me.

I've also learned to say...command, actually, with all authority that God has given me through His Son, Christ Jesus, PEACE...BE STILL, to the problems that raise their ugly head. We have authority. PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU, THROUGH CHRIST, HAVE AUTHORITY. How it must break God's heart to see us go through what we do, beaten and trodden down, when we don't have to. If you have a minute (and I'm sorry I've gone on and on), please watch the video...listen to the words, and open your hearts.

Love you all.

19 Comments:

Blogger DaBich said...

There you go again, giving me goosebumps!

Thanks for sharing. What more inspiration does anyone need???

6:13 AM  
Blogger Johnnie Avocado said...

thanks Kathi, I love hearing of your experience. I must add a word of caution to others reading though. As you know Kathi, I'm a devout christian myself, but my experience wasn't "mountain top" like yours. I've known atheist who do the God ultimatum..."Prove yourself to me" and nothing ever happens. But God knows that they will deny whatever they are shown. To me, I'm an analytical thinker, so I know that God knew certain things I just wouldn't get on faith.

I just think it's important to realize that God approaches us all differently, and we need to find him in the unexpected. Sometimes he can be a 1000 watts light bulb, like in your case, but also a whisper on the wind. One thing I am certain of is, you'll never find him until you look inside yourself first... love ya Kathi

7:19 AM  
Blogger 3carnations said...

Very nice post.

8:13 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

First: I absolutely love you for sharing this.

I needed to read your post this morning. Afterwards, I decided to put down "my addiction" and try another day without it.

I had a similar experience, which I wrote in my book about experiencing the Holy Spirit back in 2003. When He put His Spirit upon me, it was a feeling I've never felt before --- so strong that I fell down and was overwhelmed with such happiness, that I was crying hysterically. I even had to say, "Ok ok ok ok - enough"---cause the euphoric feeling was just too much. I'll never forget it.

Years passed and my faith got stronger, however, the past year, I've been struggling with a lot.

Last night I had a breaking point. And, for me to find this post that you've written this morning (or I saw this morning) is no coincidence. I read every single word as though it was meant for only me. I read every single word twice.

I know you know what I'm talking about----it's like when God speaks to you through another person.

You're that person.

Thank you so much for being so brave and having so much faith! Thank you for sharing this, because you don't even know what you've done to help me today.

You're truly a blessing Kath.

Truly.

Love you!
+++

8:34 AM  
Blogger DaBich said...

Jeez! Now Deb is giving me goosebumps!!!
Hugz to both of you!

10:41 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

dabich ~ your welcome! This was hard for me to write, because I know I may come off to some as a fanatic. Well, I suppose I am, actually. I just can't help it. I'm so shy that it's really hard for me to open up like this, but I believe we all go through things for a reason, and often I think it's to encourage or be an example to some and as I was writing this, I wanted to delete it several times but felt strongly "urged" to leave it. Guess maybe it was for deb. :) I love God so much, and I'm sooo thankful that He finds me useful at all. Thanks dabich, I love you.

11:22 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

Johnnie ~ I believe He knows each of us and how to best approach each of us. What works for me will not work for you, but we are instructed to be an example and encouragement to others and that's all I'm doing here. :) I honestly believe that if we keep what God does for us to ourselves that it's robbing Him of the glory that is rightfully His.

11:27 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

3 c's ~ thank you.

deb ~ hon, can't thank you enough for your email as well as your comment. Made everything I struggled with posting this worth it. How amazing is He!!

11:28 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

dabich ~ hugs right back at'cha!!

11:29 AM  
Blogger LoveLladro said...

you know, I don't think I knew your story (I probably would have remembered that!) Thanks for sharing and being so open! I love when you can just feel God wrapping his love around you!

1:23 PM  
Blogger Seven said...

Kid Bratcher,
As you know I believe in the power of natural order which by necessity includes the Creator, but i also believe the power is always available and shared to those that ask for it and use it for good. It has always been in you and of you in my opinion, even in the wandering years, but until you trusted in the inherent goodness it was dormant........and by the way, I wish I had been with you that night, what an incredible life changing experience!

2:18 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

What an awesome testimony you have Kathi. And I know that our sweet Savior is happy that you are willing to share it with others.

This song is one of my favs as well. She is such an anointed writer and singer. You are truly a light in a very dark world. Thank you!

5:26 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

lovelladro ~ Yup, best feeling in the world. Glad you caught it this time!

seven ~ I completely agree He was always with me. I just had to ask.

michelle ~ what a precious thing to say, thank you.

8:24 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

I truly believe that God called you to post this------it's no coincidence that I really needed to read your words, your experience through all of this + your faith!

Thank you!!!

8:31 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Thanks, Kathi, for posting this. I know it had to be difficult for you but God wanted you to do it to be an inspriration to others.

Deb, it seems like Kathi has a knack for posting things that make everyone think she is speaking directly to them, cool, huh?

Thanks again and also for the tip about soy nuts - I'm gonna have to try those:)

10:27 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

deb & Shannon ~ I can't justly express what your comments mean to me. It's another of example of why we need to follow through faith what God leads us to do. I'd have deleted this gladly before hitting publish, but He just wouldn't let me. And, I was really questioning how it'd be received...but He had reason and because y'all shared with me, YOU'VE STRENGTHENED MY FAITH! Thank you both.

12:18 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Shannon- I know, right? God does things in mysterious ways!

3:54 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Kath: I'm so glad you posted this up and it's funny when we think it'll be "too much Christianity" for one person to handle, when in fact, it's just the right amount because God worked right through you.

(Sorry---afterthoughts!)

3:55 PM  
Blogger Believer 1964 said...

It's not easy being naked [bare] with Jesus before men.

Your willingness to share how you "got here" is a testimony of faithfulness.

I am not surprised that by your obidence someone's direction has been changed or possibly that you gave someone the thought of how God can work [like supernatural illumination in the early morning hours].

Continue to give Him all the glory, for He is worthy!

Blessings...

2:11 AM  

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