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MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Kid's 'Got Game' and Mom's Got Tears

So, Casey and I are outside playing basketball yesterday afternoon (actually we're playing 'horse' and if you don't know what that is, just ask) and there are some girls that keep walking up and down the sidewalk. Then Charlie comes home from school, and he joins us. First, WOW, I had no idea Charlie was so good at basketball. He just isn't into sports much, so it really surprised me how the kid can shoot, seriously the kid has some powerful skills. Anyway, wasn't 10 minutes and we have girls from the neighborhood joining our game. About this time, I'm feeling really out of place... A few minutes later, more girls. A few minutes later, I go inside with a sore shoulder. Yes, it was sore...sort of. What bothered me most was after I'd shoot, I was constantly having to pull my shirt down; trust me, no one wants to see what I'm showing. The girls...yeah, no pulling down there. Plus, watching the transformation in Casey's personality, very cute. He's such a cut up anyway, but suddenly he's not only a cut up...but a very aloof cut up. He gets this 'coolness' thing going, the girls get this giggling and flirting thing going, and I just get going inside. Charlie joined me, which left Casey just where he wanted to be, I'm sure. Kid was in his element.

Charlie spends time with his dad on Sundays, after church. This Sunday, Mark took Charlie to see his new home that he'll be moving into soon. This will let y'all see the small and petty side of me. Charlie came home ranting and raving about how cool his dad's new home was. How the kitchen is 5x the size of mine, the bathrooms are soooo cool, the garage is huge and can he start having his band practices over there... This is about the time that tears started flowing without asking my permission. I felt awful about Charlie seeing this terrible display I was putting on. Poor baby, he didn't know what to do. He thought it was his fault, God love my sweet darlin'. Nope, all my fault. I told him it was that part of me that was selfish and petty escaping and that I was so sorry. That somewhere deep down (okay, maybe not all that far deep down, lol) that there was a part of me that would like to see his dad living in a run down trailer, down by the railroad tracks in the worst part of Dallas...or maybe in one of those $10 a day 'hotel' rooms that vagrant and wino's rent, again, in the worst part of Dallas.
This has opened my eyes, though, to part of me that is still hostile, and honestly, it doesn't do anyone any good. Apparently I have a wound that isn't completely healed, and it's scab got scraped when Charlie was telling me about his room at his dad's house. So, I've been doing a lot of praying for forgiveness and praying for Mark, that he does well. I believe in praying blessings even for our enemies, and Mark is not my enemy. It was tough coming into this realization, and having to explain it in a way that a 16 year old could understand, that this had nothing to do with him, or even his dad...it was all about me and something I needed to deal with. I honestly want Charlie to enjoy every minute he spends with Mark, and it's great that he'll have somewhere to go that he feels safe, and is safe. I hope someday that Casey will want to visit with his dad, too. Not for me, and definitely not for Mark, but for himself.

Hey, sweet Leesa is putting on her own contest for bloggers. Just a fun thing and it would be great if y'all took a couple of minutes to visit her.

18 Comments:

Blogger Shawn said...

Wow! Its totally understandable to hear that you still have a bit of bitterness towards Mark. I know you'll work through all of the negative emotions and thoughts. I'm sad you're still hurting today.

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Katy said...

I hate learning everything from your blog!

1:06 PM  
Anonymous katy said...

By the way I'm still waiting!

4:28 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

Oh Kathi..that just stinks. Of course it would make you feel rotten. And dont be so hard on yourself...its okay to be a little petty sometimes. I promise. :)

8:11 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

shawn ~ you're so sweet, I just adore you babe.

katy ~ ohhhhh, katy. I was gonna call you today, but it was just a sucky day... Call you tomorrow. Love you, realllllly.

anne ~ thank you, I do trust you. You, my sugar, speak from experience. Hugs!

8:17 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Oh Kathi...let me just say that I think that you have every right to have felt that way, but I understand how you didn't want those feelings coming out in front of Charlie.

I personally think Mark should be giving you and the boys his new place and should be willing to live in a run down trailer, but hey...that's just my opinion.

I'm glad you liked my zoo pics. It made me smile to know that you used the Panda as your desktop pic. :)

9:27 PM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

Kathi this sort of thing is tough for everyone involved. I wish I could hug you. :)

9:43 PM  
Blogger Wes said...

I can forgive a lot easier than I ever could pray for blessings for my enemies. You've got me beat there, ya strong woman :)

11:15 PM  
Blogger samuru999 said...

The way you have handled this whole situation is just amazing!
You are such a good person Kathi.
And you deserve much happiness in your life....I am praying you will have joy and peace!

Margie

12:54 AM  
Blogger DaBich said...

I'm with Anne, it's OK to feel petty. You earned that right. BUT..I'm thrilled with how you handled it with Charlie. perfect, lady, perfect!

4:44 AM  
Blogger 3carnations said...

It takes more grace than most of us (including me) have to never feel petty about things like that.

Whenever I find myself coveting a bit, I just remember the blessings I DO have, and usually realize that the things that I am most blessed with are greater blessings than the things I was feeling petty about.

To put it in perspective, I think we have a nice house. It is smaller than the houses of some of our friends, but it is bigger than the smallest houses in the area. It was built in the 50's, so it's certainly not the newest...It is ours, and we love it.

Yesterday when we pulled into the driveway, our son announced "Our house is very big." My husband and I liked looked at each other and smiled. Then we both agreed that yes, our house is very big.

7:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what about our games of horse, and it was just us, it was the whole neigborhood gang that would come over and shoot some hoops with the Casey & Charlie, I think we are the originals' that started the game of horse. Oh by the way I will in the neighborhood on Friday, I'll swing by if your home.

xoxo
Abi

p.s.
and you shouldnt put all the blame on yourself, you are just trying to give your kids the best things in life and the most important thing in life is love. And there is plenty of it in your home.

7:58 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

michelle ~ lol, I like that idea too...if I didn't have 7 animals.

huneeb ~ awww, I wish you could hug me too. But the thought counts!

wes ~ takes a real man to admit that :) And you are that, my friend.

dabich ~ I love how you encourage me and hold up for me! Thanks sweetie!

margie ~ thanks, it just felt like I was doing it all wrong. Praying for you, too.

3 c's ~ I adore your son, and y'all are enjoying your family so much...it really blesses me to read your blog.
I am blessed, a new house can't replace what I've got here in my home.

8:01 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

abi ~ hon, I love you. Always have, always will.

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kathi, your an inspiration to us all. We should all be as kind and forgiving as you are, but since we're (I'M)not, you keep praying for blessings for Mark and I'll keep sending the evil eye his way.

After all....what are friends for?

Love you!!!

Lisa

9:17 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

lisa ~ I was just talking about you with my friend, Katy, on the phone. Seriously, I think the 3 of us should take a vacation together...what fun. After you get your butt back from Hawaii, of course. :)

11:00 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

It takes a big person to admit what you did as well as wish Mark well. I can’t imagine the thoughts and feelings that would have been racing in my mind regarding Mark’s living arrangements and how your sons are reacting to it all. But the one thing you have to know is how beautiful your relationship is with your sons. I will say this, I love my mom, but she never came to see me play sports or see me do anything I was proud of. She was a great caretaker, but it’s one thing to be a ‘caretaker’ and a mother who’s a true friend. They’ll realize which is important. You’re a beautiful person Kath, and it totally shows.

Love you!

8:18 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

deb ~ so I'm "big" and "beautiful"? Thanks deb, sure know how to make a girl feel good. JUST KIDDIN'! I know what you're saying and thank you. I love you tooooo!

6:13 PM  

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