Kid's 'Got Game' and Mom's Got Tears

So, Casey and I are outside playing basketball yesterday afternoon (actually we're playing 'horse' and if you don't know what that is, just ask) and there are some girls that keep walking up and down the sidewalk. Then Charlie comes home from school, and he joins us. First, WOW, I had no idea Charlie was so good at basketball. He just isn't into sports much, so it really surprised me how the kid can shoot, seriously the kid has some powerful skills. Anyway, wasn't 10 minutes and we have girls from the neighborhood joining our game. About this time, I'm feeling really out of place... A few minutes later, more girls. A few minutes later, I go inside with a sore shoulder. Yes, it was sore...sort of. What bothered me most was after I'd shoot, I was constantly having to pull my shirt down; trust me, no one wants to see what I'm showing. The girls...yeah, no pulling down there. Plus, watching the transformation in Casey's personality, very cute. He's such a cut up anyway, but suddenly he's not only a cut up...but a very aloof cut up. He gets this 'coolness' thing going, the girls get this giggling and flirting thing going, and I just get going inside. Charlie joined me, which left Casey just where he wanted to be, I'm sure. Kid was in his element.

Charlie spends time with his dad on Sundays, after church. This Sunday, Mark took Charlie to see his new home that he'll be moving into soon. This will let y'all see the small and petty side of me. Charlie came home ranting and raving about how cool his dad's new home was. How the kitchen is 5x the size of mine, the bathrooms are soooo cool, the garage is huge and can he start having his band practices over there... This is about the time that tears started flowing without asking my permission. I felt awful about Charlie seeing this terrible display I was putting on. Poor baby, he didn't know what to do. He thought it was his fault, God love my sweet darlin'. Nope, all my fault. I told him it was that part of me that was selfish and petty escaping and that I was so sorry. That somewhere deep down (okay, maybe not all that far deep down, lol) that there was a part of me that would like to see his dad living in a run down trailer, down by the railroad tracks in the worst part of Dallas...or maybe in one of those $10 a day 'hotel' rooms that vagrant and wino's rent, again, in the worst part of Dallas.
This has opened my eyes, though, to part of me that is still hostile, and honestly, it doesn't do anyone any good. Apparently I have a wound that isn't completely healed, and it's scab got scraped when Charlie was telling me about his room at his dad's house. So, I've been doing a lot of praying for forgiveness and praying for Mark, that he does well. I believe in praying blessings even for our enemies, and Mark is not my enemy. It was tough coming into this realization, and having to explain it in a way that a 16 year old could understand, that this had nothing to do with him, or even his dad...it was all about me and something I needed to deal with. I honestly want Charlie to enjoy every minute he spends with Mark, and it's great that he'll have somewhere to go that he feels safe, and is safe. I hope someday that Casey will want to visit with his dad, too. Not for me, and definitely not for Mark, but for himself.

Hey, sweet Leesa is putting on her own contest for bloggers. Just a fun thing and it would be great if y'all took a couple of minutes to visit her.