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I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Cowards are a dime a dozen...

I've always been a fighter, had to be. So is my sister. It's how we were able to survive our childhood. Not so much a fighter in the physical sense, though I've had to depend on that as well a few times in my life, but mentally and emotionally. Learning how to survive physically will never get you as far as learning how to survive mentally and emotionally. I learned early on that tears never get you as far as strategy and clear thinking. I learned early on that people are quick to anger and often let those feelings, those emotions rule their circumstance. The results are often regrettable, but once acted upon, hard to recover from.

I have no problem saying I'm sorry, when I am, and admittedly, I often am. It's sad when people can't say 'I'm sorry'...sadder still when they're not sorry when they should be. There are those that, regardless of the circumstance, view others to always be in the wrong and their own actions always justified. We all know people like this. The people that talk over you when you try to get a word in...ever. The people whose opinion of what you're going through is much more important to them than what you are actually going through. Seriously, the old saying 'unless you've walked in my shoes' is so very accurate. How easy it is to judge, especially when you've never experienced what you're judging.

You know, NO ONE ever deserves to be mistreated, to be cheated, to be lied to or lied about. It's like saying that a woman deserves to be raped because of the way she dresses, or the rich deserve to be stolen from because they have more than the thief. We're making excuses for those who have wronged, and placing blame on those who were wronged. How is it ever acceptable to make excuses for those who have wronged others, simply because it's easier than holding them accountable? I understand the enabler mentality, I simply don't agree with it or approve of it. Holding others accountable for their actions teaches them not to repeat their mistakes, teaches them to stand on their own and face what they've done, and that they will be held responsible for their actions. Why put your arm around a rapist, patting him on the shoulder, comforting him while saying 'She was dressed like such a tramp, look at all that makeup she was wearing!'...or coddling the thief saying 'Why would anyone need 4 cars? I can't believe they'd buy a house that big!'? Does it in any way hold them responsible? Victims are victims and those in the wrong are wrong. Period. Is it not bad enough that the victim has been wronged, must they also come under attack for having been the victim?

Sometimes those who refuse to jump on the bandwagon to beat up those who've already been beaten, are also rebuked and cast aside. I think it's one of the reasons people are shy to stand up for what they believe, and thank God for those who do stand up for what is right. Thank God for those who chance the ridicule and judgment of others to offer help and comfort to those who need it, to those who deserve it.

I learned as a child, a long time ago, that I had to hold up for myself because I had no one to hold up for me. I learned that just because someone was bigger than I was or because there were more of 'them' than there was of me, alone and all by myself, it didn't make them right, or give them the right to abuse me. Even though I have always been there for my kids, and I always will be, I also teach them that they don't need anyone to stand with them to stand for what is right. Regardless of what has been thrown at them lately, and all they've lost, they've still not felt sorry for themselves or ever played the victim card. Seems that card is played mostly by those in the wrong, in fact...they've probably had to buy several decks lately just to have enough victim cards to go around.


Blogger Michelle said...

Preach it sista!! Seriously though...I couldn't agree with you more. One thing that I have tried to teach my children and will continue to do so is accountability. If you do something wrong, own up to it and don't blame anyone else for the choice that YOU made.

We have enough people in this world trying to get away with horrible crimes and offenses, claiming that they themselves were a victim. I refuse to allow my children to ever have that kind of mindset.

12:09 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

michelle ~ "We have enough people in this world trying to get away with horrible crimes and offenses " ~ exactly. This was just something I needed to get off of my chest. Thanks for the support!

2:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen....I completly agree with you. People learn from their own mistakes and should learn from others but you take it harder when it comes from yourself. I've learned alot of things the hard way, wether I had a choice or not, especially when I was just a child. Growning up in a abusive & alcoholic family. I was a victim, and so where they. Just in different forms and ways. And yes I would own up to my mistakes just the other way around wouldnt be so clear. Ok, ok enough about my childhood, it was in the past and now we look towards the more positive things in the future, and whatever god has planned for us!


p.s. Tell the kiddo's I say hi

4:39 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

abi ~ yup, hopefully we do learn from our mistakes, but we've got to own up to them first instead of believing everything is always everyone else's fault but our own. Too many people with that mentality.

5:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cowards and saying I'm sorry.... and here I thought this was going to be a John Kerry post....

8:46 PM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

I tried to walk a mile in your shoes, but the heels killed my calves. Can I just lounge around in your sweats instead?

8:52 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

wes ~ goof, have you ever seen me get political? That would be your blog babe.

tom ~ I think you'd be even less comfy in my sweats than my heels. How was your date????

10:23 PM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

kathi...it was more fun than sitting at home with a jug of baby oil, some cheetohs, and a video of family guy, that's for sure. We had a great time, kids got along great, what that means...I have no idea.

1:56 AM  
Blogger Johnnie Avocado said...

Kathi-I agree completely. I hate when people (criminals) do unbelievable things and blame their "background". Thanks for the post.

8:07 AM  
Anonymous katy said...

Some people think that a version of the truth is the truth. Imbelishments and ommisions given as fact are the truth. It's all in how you sell it. Lies are only used when some one feels they have some interest in protecting an image of themselves or some one they feel needs their image protected. All I might add at the exspence of anothers good name and image.
A lie is a lie. If you live your life spreading lies it will cost you in the end. Rumor has it though when someone apoligizes for such behavior God will offer forgiveness.

8:09 AM  
Blogger Shawn said...

What inspired this post?

8:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great lesson!! Many people need to read this. Do u mind if I share this post??

3:18 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

johnnie ~ sorry, hon...we've got our wires crossed...sort of. :)

katy ~Do you mean that God holds you responsible for spreading false rumors and lies about others??? I do believe some people have forgotten that! As michelle said "Preach it"!! Seriously, there are some that definitely need to ask God, and those they've wronged for forgiveness, lest they be held accountable for their actions. Thanks Katy!

7:12 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

shawn ~ awwww, hon, I'll email you in a bit.

epsilonicus ~ thanks! Are you serious? I'd love for you to share it!

7:14 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...


Not for nothing, but I have to comment on your writing. It seems as though each post gets better and better---you were always a great writer, but there's something different. I can totally see the difference from last year till now. Amazing.

Anyway, this post really struck a chord with me. I find it amazing how some people will say, "Well, he deserves to get AIDS because he's gay..." Or "Well, he/she should have known better..." It drives me insane how people can have that sort of mentality. It's sad.

God is merciful, and He doesn't give people "what they deserve" in a negative light. That's not how God works--but it's how some people think He works.

Great post Kath! Love you! xxoo

9:06 AM  
Blogger Heart Of Darkness said...

I admire you profoundly, you are a strong person, kathi.

It's so easy to play the victim and let everybody pity you, but it takes a lot of strenght to pull yourself up by the collar every time you fall.

I're setting a great example for the people in your life!

9:44 AM  
Blogger DaBich said...

I'm with Shawn, what inspired this post? It's a great one, I'm with you all the way!

4:51 AM  
Blogger :phil: said...

Kathi, you always write such great posts. I don't know what to comment. Anything I put would just be a rewording of what you wrote.
Hope all is well.

6:47 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

deb ~ from you, darlin, that's a compliment I'll treasure. Thank you. Oh yeah...BIG HUG! :)

heart ~ thank you, and every word you say is true. You should know.

dabich ~ I appreciate having you with me. The reasons for the post will all come to light, in the right time. God's perfect timing and all that... :)

phil ~ long time...thank you for your kind words.

8:35 AM  

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