Booooo
Well, it's happening. I'm the 'not so much fun' parent.
Charlie was with his dad today, and for as long as Mark and I have been married, we've never believed in celebrating halloween. Casey has never wanted to, but Charlie has. We use to take the kids to the Church alternative parties, and they had fun.
Charlie did buy himself a mask a few weeks ago, and we talked about opening up the garage to Charlie and some of his music buddies on halloween night and letting them play their music as people walked by, and his wearing his mask if he wanted.
Back to today. Apparently Mark and his girlfriend are celebrating halloween and he was telling Charlie how great the house looked with all of it's ghosts and skeletons hanging all over the house and the yard. Charlie said that it was way over done, but that his dad was really excited about halloween this year. I don't get it, for 22 years we both were in total agreement, to not participate in halloween, and now he's taking Charlie to show off what he's doing and what Charlie can't do?
He also took Charlie to a halloween costume store where Charlie said his dad picked up over $50 in masks, gloves, bones, creepy music and things for his and his girlfriends halloween together. In the meantime I'm having to explain to Charlie why we can't afford to have pizza delivered. So...Charlie came home a bit bothered and then after he talked to me...I was bothered.
Charlie said that he thought his dad wanted to do things like this, things that we don't do here in our home, and maybe that's why he left. I hope he doesn't think that his dad being able to play dress up for halloween is more important to his dad than he and Casey are. But, his dads actions aren't helping to prove otherwise, and teenagers are smart...and sensitive. They may have adult bodies, but they're still children.
After Charlie came home, he and Casey went to teen fellowship. The meeting on Sunday evenings in the teens home is a new thing (2 weeks old) and when they grow to where there are too many to meet at one home, we're offering to be the second teen fellowship home. I'm looking forward to that. Casey would head it up himself, and I'm proud of how excited he is about it.
Short post, because I'm irritated. Sorry. Being angry or irritated doesn't lead to anything positive, so I'm just going to spend some time on my knees and get my mind refocused.
Hugs to all.
* Thanks for all your comments.
Charlie was with his dad today, and for as long as Mark and I have been married, we've never believed in celebrating halloween. Casey has never wanted to, but Charlie has. We use to take the kids to the Church alternative parties, and they had fun.
Charlie did buy himself a mask a few weeks ago, and we talked about opening up the garage to Charlie and some of his music buddies on halloween night and letting them play their music as people walked by, and his wearing his mask if he wanted.
Back to today. Apparently Mark and his girlfriend are celebrating halloween and he was telling Charlie how great the house looked with all of it's ghosts and skeletons hanging all over the house and the yard. Charlie said that it was way over done, but that his dad was really excited about halloween this year. I don't get it, for 22 years we both were in total agreement, to not participate in halloween, and now he's taking Charlie to show off what he's doing and what Charlie can't do?
He also took Charlie to a halloween costume store where Charlie said his dad picked up over $50 in masks, gloves, bones, creepy music and things for his and his girlfriends halloween together. In the meantime I'm having to explain to Charlie why we can't afford to have pizza delivered. So...Charlie came home a bit bothered and then after he talked to me...I was bothered.
Charlie said that he thought his dad wanted to do things like this, things that we don't do here in our home, and maybe that's why he left. I hope he doesn't think that his dad being able to play dress up for halloween is more important to his dad than he and Casey are. But, his dads actions aren't helping to prove otherwise, and teenagers are smart...and sensitive. They may have adult bodies, but they're still children.
After Charlie came home, he and Casey went to teen fellowship. The meeting on Sunday evenings in the teens home is a new thing (2 weeks old) and when they grow to where there are too many to meet at one home, we're offering to be the second teen fellowship home. I'm looking forward to that. Casey would head it up himself, and I'm proud of how excited he is about it.
Short post, because I'm irritated. Sorry. Being angry or irritated doesn't lead to anything positive, so I'm just going to spend some time on my knees and get my mind refocused.
Hugs to all.
* Thanks for all your comments.
posted by kathi | 9:03 PM
23 Comments:
I hope everything is better. When I was young I loved Halloween but that's because I didn't know better.
Oh no, the dreaded 'not so much fun parent'. :)
It's all good, that just means you're good at what you do.
Wes hit the nail on the head.
Hang in there Kathi....
My motto for the last 11 years? (The # of years I've had teenagers in my house)
"Someone in the house is mad at me...all is right with the world."
Not extrememly comforting, but realistic...lol
aww ... *hugs*
rose ~ I did too, I did right up until I was 27 years old. So, I do understand the draw to it. Thanks for stopping by.
wes ~ thanks for that comment, I know I need to keep that in mind. It's easier to be a parent 3 hours a week than 24/7, but I'd still choose the 24/7. Guess that explains why I'M the one still here, huh?
lisa ~ love you, hon. Call you later. And, yeah, I know in my heart you and wes are right.
dzer ~ new pic? Hmmmmm, I'll still take the hugs, :). Thanks dzer.
Poor kid. I hope he understands that Halloween doesn't make or break a family. I'm sure Mark was, as you said, in total agreement about not doing Halloween. But he's like a kid now - All excited about the new things that someone else's lifestyle has to offer. I'm sure those things will entice Charlie, too.
Stand your ground where you need to, but try to give a little where you can, too. You can't give in to everything just to not be the "unfun parent", but there are some places where you might have to be a little flexible.
What exactly are the reasons you don't celebrate Halloween? Religious reasons? I know that not all Christian denominations have a problem with Halloween, and I personally have never gone to a church that was openly opposed to kids celebrating Halloween.
:-( wish I had comforting words to share with ya but I don't.
Prayers go out to you Kath! I was frustrated earlier this morning ...and thought, "Oh wow, let me pray and see what happens." God sent me a beautiful message and hopes of a better future. Trust in Him, ... God will never let you down.
{{hugs}}
Hopefully your ex won't play the good cop-bad cop game with your kids, him always being the fun one. We (My ex and I) weren't that way. We were good friends and our son was so much better off for it. There were no concerns about the split custody or one saying bad stuff about the other - we were very careful about that (that is what I had my friends for!)
hugs back at ya
xoxo
Abi
Deep breath, relax, this too shall pass...
I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this. It definately sounds as though Mark is trying to seem like the cool parent...probably in hopes to fix some of the damage that he has done. I think that you need to continue to be firm and steadfast in your convictions and continue to show the boys your constant and unchanging love.
Believe me, in 10 years they won't care that dad put up some cool Halloween decorations the year that he decided to leave his family, but they will remember how secure and loved their mom made them feel in a very trying time in their life.
You are an amazing mom, and it is very apparent that your boys already think that!!!
In the grand scheme of things, Halloween will pass. You won't. Stick to your resolutions.
The band in the garage sounds like fun tho! :)
3 c's ~ it's definitely making Charlie feel even more torn than your 'normal' 15 year old boy. I do have reasons we don't celebrate halloween (the very basis for what the holiday entails is enough, with it's witch's and demons, I honestly believe that those are things that we as Christians do not invite into our home or our childrens acceptance as 'play things', but if you'd like the foundation for why it troubles me, I'd be glad to share with you. Maybe I'll do a history of halloween on my Christian blog), but to see his dad insinuate that the way he (charlie) has been raised for 15 years is no longer the standard by which he lives and basically says 'look what it's like, how much fun it is, to do what I've been telling you for 15 years not to do'. That is my problem.
Hugs though. :) Seriously, big hug.
shawn ~ what is going on with you? Are you on vacation or just a break from it all???
deb ~ thanks darlin, I learn that daily...make that hourly...make that... :)
sasha ~ that's the relationship I'm hoping for, right now it's not there though. But you're right, that is the best relationship for the kids parents to have. Thanks.
tom ~ yup, I know. :)
michelle ~ thanks so much, words I truly need to hear and hold on to. Thanks, big hug.
dabich ~ thanks to you too. I really appreciate the support. It does sound like fun (the band in the garage), doesn't it...kind of like his first concert. Hope he does it.
Kathi
Don't sweat the small stuff!
You are the best mom ever!
Hugs
across the miles!
Not that this is small stuff!
I know it is upsetting...
but, this too shall pass!
Take care!
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My guess is Mark has succombed to the phrase "middle-age crazy". Perhaps it's his current g/f who is crazy about halloween and he's jumping on the bandwagon.
He is a tard..thats all I have to say. As if making himself seem cool can erase what he has done. (maybe Im exaggerating..but I am irritated for you)
Charlie will see through it. He probably wont care about Halloween at all on November 1.
samuru999 ~ I do believe there are tons on 'small stuff' I'm letting go of. Responsibly raising Charlie doesn't count among them. Thanks for the sweet words, I try to be a good mom. Hug's right back at'cha.
mike ~ funny, that was the first thing my attorney said when I met her and asked if I wanted to wait to see if it passed. Uhmmmm, no. But, I think that's a big part of it.
anne ~ I love you. :)
Hi Kathi,
This is the first time I have read your blog, and I must say, my heart feels for you. I am divorced, with 2 small children and it is so hard when the kids come back from dad's with new game boy games (when I had to buy the actual game boys in the first place) and they wonder why you can't buy them any? But when you ask the ex to help pay for a school trip, they say 'that's what the maintenance is for!' The thing is, you give them what their dad can't, 24 hour round the clock love. You are there when they really need you, through sickness & sadness and they'll grow up remembering that.
sam ~ THANK YOU, I appreciate you very much.
I did a "Halloween-type" post today. I am not much of a Halloween person, but I like handing out candy.
When you wrote: "I don't get it, for 22 years we both were in total agreement, to not participate in halloween, and now he's taking Charlie to show off what he's doing and what Charlie can't do?"
I immediately thought: you were also in agreement to foresake all others. He broke that agreement as well. It would totally piss me off to see my husband doing that stuff. And it is not small stuff.
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