Why? It's a good question.
Here, to lay it to rest, is where I'm coming from. My mind does want to entertain the 'what if's'...but I refuse to go there. I've got my hands full with the things I'm sure of, I don't need to add to that the things I'm not sure of. I trust that all things that are done in secret will be revealed, because it's promised to me. When? I don't know and it's not up to me...so frankly, I don't care. I've had a good friend ask me 'but aren't you even curious?' (I love you), and honestly, no...I'm not.
Here's the thing: I have control over what I let affect my life. I choose to be happy. I don't believe that it's possible to be both happy and angry at the same time. I don't believe it's possible to be happy and resentful, judgmental or even suspicious, at the same time.
Also, I'm responsible for being an example to my boys. I want them to be happy. I won't teach them to be vengeful or hostile, but rather I want them to learn to love and forgive, allowing them to walk in joy...in happiness. Anything else would be leading them down a road that is not of God, and I take my responsibility very seriously.
Don't get me wrong, I'm tempted to get angry. Anytime you walk with the Lord, and carry His responsibilities (as in raising my boys, or even witnessing here), you are going to have a target on your back which satan will be aiming at by the minute. However, all weapons formed against me shall not prosper, all those who rise up against me shall fall. This has been tried and proven over and over and over in my life. I've no reason to doubt that God will take care of all things that come against me. The battle is His and I know the outcome... As the song says (Blessed Be Your Name) 'when the darkness closes in, I will say 'blessed be the name of the Lord'. It's my choice whether I choose to trust in my God or to fear what the world sometimes brings my way. I choose to trust. Fear doesn't have anything of God in it...it doesn't contain any joy and it's a waste of my time. I can't be of any good to myself or to my children when I'm walking in fear, or when I'm walking in anger. It's not the example I want to set before them. I want them to mature in the knowledge that there is no fear or doubt when you walk with God...trusting Him for all things, big or small.
Some people will say they know of people who can not be happy unless there is trouble or turmoil going on in their lives. These people do not know real happiness. They don't know the kind of happiness, the kind of joy, that is so overpowering that tears flow down their faces. There are tears of joy. I know this joy. I know it several times a day. I know it when I'm on my knees in prayer, I know it when my hands are lifted up in praise and I know it when my heart overflows with the understanding of how much He has blessed me.
I can choose to to be happy, and I do. It doesn't mean that the world doesn't try to throw roadblocks in my way, because it surely does. And you know what? That's okay. Every roadblock, every pothole, every time someone or something comes against me...it just gives me another opportunity to show my kids how you can handle life with love, grace, mercy and forgiveness...and to do it with a joyful heart. The alternative just doesn't hold any appeal for me.