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I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Why? It's a good question.

Why? I'm asked a lot lately why I'm not bitter. Actually, more than why, I've been asked when I'm going to wake up and smell the coffee...or why can't I see the writing on the wall. Y'all know who you are, and you know that I love you and I've not been bothered at all when you've asked me this. One friend has even called to apologize for asking me things like this, which was completely unnecessary, because I understand where you're coming from, and I'm not offended. I love y'all for caring about me.
Here, to lay it to rest, is where I'm coming from. My mind does want to entertain the 'what if's'...but I refuse to go there. I've got my hands full with the things I'm sure of, I don't need to add to that the things I'm not sure of. I trust that all things that are done in secret will be revealed, because it's promised to me. When? I don't know and it's not up to me...so frankly, I don't care. I've had a good friend ask me 'but aren't you even curious?' (I love you), and honestly, no...I'm not.
Here's the thing: I have control over what I let affect my life. I choose to be happy. I don't believe that it's possible to be both happy and angry at the same time. I don't believe it's possible to be happy and resentful, judgmental or even suspicious, at the same time.
Also, I'm responsible for being an example to my boys. I want them to be happy. I won't teach them to be vengeful or hostile, but rather I want them to learn to love and forgive, allowing them to walk in joy...in happiness. Anything else would be leading them down a road that is not of God, and I take my responsibility very seriously.
Don't get me wrong, I'm tempted to get angry. Anytime you walk with the Lord, and carry His responsibilities (as in raising my boys, or even witnessing here), you are going to have a target on your back which satan will be aiming at by the minute. However, all weapons formed against me shall not prosper, all those who rise up against me shall fall. This has been tried and proven over and over and over in my life. I've no reason to doubt that God will take care of all things that come against me. The battle is His and I know the outcome... As the song says (Blessed Be Your Name) 'when the darkness closes in, I will say 'blessed be the name of the Lord'. It's my choice whether I choose to trust in my God or to fear what the world sometimes brings my way. I choose to trust. Fear doesn't have anything of God in it...it doesn't contain any joy and it's a waste of my time. I can't be of any good to myself or to my children when I'm walking in fear, or when I'm walking in anger. It's not the example I want to set before them. I want them to mature in the knowledge that there is no fear or doubt when you walk with God...trusting Him for all things, big or small.

Some people will say they know of people who can not be happy unless there is trouble or turmoil going on in their lives. These people do not know real happiness. They don't know the kind of happiness, the kind of joy, that is so overpowering that tears flow down their faces. There are tears of joy. I know this joy. I know it several times a day. I know it when I'm on my knees in prayer, I know it when my hands are lifted up in praise and I know it when my heart overflows with the understanding of how much He has blessed me.

I can choose to to be happy, and I do. It doesn't mean that the world doesn't try to throw roadblocks in my way, because it surely does. And you know what? That's okay. Every roadblock, every pothole, every time someone or something comes against me...it just gives me another opportunity to show my kids how you can handle life with love, grace, mercy and forgiveness...and to do it with a joyful heart. The alternative just doesn't hold any appeal for me.


Blogger ~Deb said...

We all have setbacks in life, but it's up to us to get back in the swing of things.

A friend told me once, "YOu decide to be depressed." And I thought, "Are you kidding?" But it's true. We do decide to be depressed and focused on the negative aspects of life. The mind is powerful, and I admire how strong you've been.

Thanks for sharing "you" with us!

12:18 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

You amaze me Kathi. Wish I was more like you.

12:13 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

deb ~ yup, we do all have setbacks sometimes and then other times we have victory. I think we can control emotional depression, but you and I both know that there is also a physical/chemical (clinical)depression that isn't controllable without a total healing or medication...just like any other physical illness or disease. So, sometimes it's our choice...sometimes it isn't.

anne ~ hon, YOU amaze me... You're so much more together and responsible than I was at your age. You know you're loved very much by a lot of people.

6:59 AM  
Blogger DZER said...

you're my balance in this universe ... there's not much I enjoy more than wallowing in grief, anger, sadness, self-pity, etc. ... LOL

7:06 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Chemical imbalance has a lot to do with depression, however, I do feel that through God's strength, He can overcome that. I went through a period of depression for a long time, and I refused to take any sort of antidepressants due to the fear of gaining weight. (Fricken vanity I tell ya!) But, in any case, I got through it with prayer and drawing closer to God. And I DO believe that I have a chemical imbalance because I'm prone to it, and it runs in my family...but if I am close to God, it fades away. Weird, right? Everyone's different and needs different sort of help in that way. Also, I believe that God gave us the gift of "doctors". It's in the bible, ....which doctors prescribe medication to those who are in need.


8:32 AM  
Blogger DaBich said...

Kathi, you amaze me more every day. You're a light to many of us, keep up the good work!

10:41 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

dzer ~ goof!

deb ~ true, and hugs right back at'cha.

dabich ~ wow, that's an extremely kind thing to say, thank you. Hugz back at you, too!

6:19 PM  
Blogger samuru999 said...

I am so proud of you!
And, proud to know you!
When you come to my blog n comment, I always have a feeling of joy... as you always are so kind...and make me feel good!

Blessings to you always!

6:21 PM  
Blogger DaBich said...

Kind my gazoo :P

It's just true! :)

8:33 PM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

Kathi this is a beautiful post, I am so glad that this is the path you decided for you and your boys.

11:34 AM  

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