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MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Monday, August 21, 2006

...And Love Endures

A couple of times in the past I've written a double post (the same one here being on my Christian blog), and this will be another one of those times.

Now, y'all know that I wasn't raised a Christian. Didn't set foot in a church growing up and admittingly, I studied the Satanic Bible for many years. Read this carefully, I am not ashamed of what I did before coming to know Christ when I was 26 years old. Because of who I was and what I did, I have full knowledge of what God is capable of bringing us out of and how endless His forgiveness is.
There had been times, when I first became a Christian, that I was envious of those who had come to know Christ as a child and had gotten to grow in His love their entire life. That is, until I realized that for all things (and people) there is a season, and a reason. I went through what I did for a reason, mainly because I am able to recognize that spirit of hopelessness and feeling lost in others because I lived it for so many years. I am able to witness from what I know of first hand.
Even when I was lost, God knew exactly where I was and He loved me. When I came to realize this, it was the best time of my life. Unless you've experienced that freedom from the chains that have bound you and to have honestly met God on the most personal level, of giving Him your heart, you'll not fully understand where I'm coming from. However, when I remember back to that exact moment, and the days...months and years that followed, I'm in awe of how much joy one's heart can actually contain.

Okay, so what's up with the witnessing? I'm telling you this, again and at this time, because I'm asked as late why I'm not more upset than I am, why I'm not falling apart, why I don't 'care' more about Mark having left us.
Why? Because I've walked through worse. Because I not only trust in my God who has proven to me over and over so many times that the stars above couldn't begin to measure the times He's seen me through hard times, but I choose to live in His joy rather than my sorrow. Because when I speak to Him, when I confide in Him, when I kneel before Him, I have peace in my soul.

I will never tell you (or anyone) 'you should', 'you have to' or try to direct you in a way that I believe you should go, because I am not God. I am of God, and I will pray for God's guidance of what to do for you, but what you 'should do' or what you 'have to do' is between you and God alone. Sometimes advice is given with the purest of heart, but it's still between you and God, and no one else knows what you should or shouldn't do.
There are times that even those with the purest of heart and best of intentions will try to steer you in a direction that may not be God's will for you. Some talk about a 'gut feeling'...I believe that we have our own personal protective fence around us, God's Holy Spirit. Though some may with the best of intentions give you what they believe to be great advice, let it be the Holy Spirit that guides you, that advises you. Sometimes He may whisper, sometimes He may put His hand upon your shoulder and sometimes He may convict you to tears, but He will direct you in the way you should go. Trust that God loves you in spite of whom you see in the mirror, trust His Holy Spirit to guide you forever in the right direction and trust that there isn't a pain or sorrow that Christ doesn't personally know first hand.

I've been asked as of late why I'm not more angry, why I don't resent Mark or others who have turned their backs on us, why I'm not vengeful, why I'm not afraid. Simple. I choose to love. I choose to forgive, I choose to pray for them instead and I choose to trust in God, as I've learned to do for the past 25 years. God has never forsaken me, even when I've forsaken myself, even when family has forsaken me, God will never forsake me.

I don't want anger in my home. Yes, we were hurt, but we layed that hurt, that disappointment and all anger at the foot of the cross. We left it there. How can we carry it with us when we've given it away?

My boys and I are happy. There is laughter in my home. There is peace in my home. There is joy and so much love in my home. My home is spiritually healthier than it has been in a very long time. We pray together, we praise and worship together and we give thanks together.

Like the life I lived before I came to Christ, the reason for the course of our lives is more often than not unknown to us. But there is a reason, have no doubt, and when God chooses to reveal it to you, He will. Trust. It's a learning experience.
We're trusting, and because we do, we are able to live without fear and all the downfalls that accompany fear.

Regardless of whether or not anyone understands the path you are walking, as long as you are walking with God, walk on. God is good, and His love truly does endure.

16 Comments:

Blogger samuru999 said...

Kathi
You are so beautiful, and your heart is full of love!
I wish I had your strong faith!
I am working on it!
I am so haapy your home is a home full of love and laughter!
Bless you always!
huggggz!

3:52 AM  
Blogger DaBich said...

Ahhh..such wonderful words of wisdom. We can all learn from you :)

4:42 AM  
Blogger bbsgirl said...

I needed to read this post today and I'm thankful that I had my internet still connected so that I could read it. I know also that I'm going to share this with a friend that is leaving soon for Hondorus and is scared because she's not so sure she's even really listening to ?god's voice and not just some advise of "friends". this was an awesome message and I thank you for listening to God and sharing it for those of us that needed it.
I'll be back around in a week.
Jan

6:20 AM  
Blogger Johnnie Avocado said...

Kathi,
You may know that I'm a very devout Christian, and your understanding and acceptance of God's promise is very uplifting. Being a strong Christian means to also understand that we are weak. God places many people in our path to help us, and remember sometimes they are there to help (i.e. the apostles, disciples, and the writers of the bible) So don't be too closed to the advice of others, but weigh it with God's will for you.
My situation is similar to yours. I found God after college, but I wasn't as "low" as you. I'm amazed that God can pluck us from the shadows and show us his love. I'm so thankful for that.

8:11 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

You're right. It's all about your 'gut' feeling. But different 'gut feelings' go with different beliefs. People will deny 'your' gut feeling and say it's coming from a bad place if they believe otherwise. Religion gets so tangled up with what someone claims to be the 'truth'.

As long as YOU know in your heart that God loves you- and He has helped you through these trials---that is ALL that matters. The relationship you and Jesus have is a personal one. . . and no one can take that away from you Kath.

I love you girl- and I hope that your path directed towards God continues forever. Thanks for this post and opening up as you did.

xxoo

9:10 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

samuru999 ~ I get so much encouragement from your posts every single day, your poetry comes from an amazing and loving place. Thank you for your kind words.

dabich ~ thanks, but geeze, lol, the thought of anyone learning from me is frightening...

jan ~ I'm so excited for you...you've got soooo much happening in your life right now, ALL good stuff. Thanks for your kind words, too. I appreciate you and pray you and Bob are forever blessed.

johnnie ~ guy, I really miss you, your brother and frodo! Good to know you're still around though. I understand completely what you're saying, and I do believe that I should weigh what's said to me and pray over it. I don't know if I've ever told this story, and perhaps it's something I should blog about, but when God first told me to move to Texas, I lived in Indiana and had never been to Texas, but did HATE hot weather. But after He kept putting it on my heart I took a vacation and went to Texas, got a job and on the way back to Indiana, decided I didn't want to move there, I just hated it in Texas. I was uneasy for weeks. I had 3 (THREE) strangers come up to me in different places (one on the street, one where I worked and one at the church I was attending) and told me that God had instructed them to tell me that I wasn't being obedient. They didn't know about what, but I did. I gave everything I had away and moved to Texas in a little Subaru with a lamp, a chaise loung chair to sit and sleep in, 2 cats and a large dog. Had $13 dollars in my pocket when I got here. Found a job the next day waiting tables and making great money, met Mark 6 months later, married him 2 weeks later and had 22 pretty great years and 2 wonderful sons. So, I know the power of Gods direction and am forever thankful for those 3 complete strangers who were obedient in approaching me...that couldn't have been an easy thing to do. Thanks Johnnie.

deb ~ my cyber soul mate, I love and adore you.

9:33 AM  
Blogger Anne said...

Awh Kathi. I just love ya.

Wonderful post.

9:57 AM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

I am fearful of folks that are devout, about anything. But you pull it off. Great post.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Miranda said...

This was a very inspirational post. Not only is He there for you, but you have gained strength from Him, to move on and be happy. Everything happens for a reason. I wish you the best with everything.

1:40 PM  
Anonymous steve said...

wow I really love this post!! What wonderful advice!!

Its so awesome to know that God is in control if we would just take the tiem and listen!!

3:44 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

anne ~ hon, you have no idea how much you mean to me. I love you too.

tom ~ thanks, appreciate that. :) Miss talking to you.

miranda ~ thanks so much for stopping by, and I couldn't agree with you more.

steve ~ thank you! You're right, it is awesome. Thanks again!

5:11 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

*muah*

6:37 PM  
Blogger Wes said...

"the reason for the course of our lives is more often than not unknown to us. But there is a reason, have no doubt, and when God chooses to reveal it to you, He will. Trust. It's a learning experience. We're trusting, and because we do, we are able to live without fear and all the downfalls that accompany fear...."

High five, Kathi. High, freakin', five.

Keep speakin' it, cuz I'm lovin' it.

(this post is in no way affiliated with McDonald's or it's "food" products)

9:55 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

good post. you really have a good handle on your situation. I am less and less worried about you everytime you update us on how you and the boys are coping. Continue to be strong in your faith.

1:12 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

deb ~ right back at'cha

wes ~ you always make me smile...McDonalds, you goof. Glad you're lovin' it. :)

shawn ~ you know I feel blessed to have you as my friend, yes? Now, get those shirts out there!

2:02 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

shawn ~ I LOVE the new picture. Keep it for awhile.

2:04 PM  

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