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MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Always There Doesn't Mean Every Second...

I recently got angry with a friend of mine. That may not sound like a big deal, but for me it's huge. For one reason, I don't really have that many friends. Hard to imagine, huh? LOL, hush. For another reason, I have a very bad temper, and though it's pretty much controlled by medication (thank you modern science), it can still occasionally rear it's ugly head.

So, back to this friend of mine that totally ticked me off. For two days I was mad, and a few other emotions, but anger was the most dominant. This friend of mine has nearly became like a security blanket of sorts to me through all the ups and downs that this life of mine has been going through lately.

My life has been an episode of things newly discovered each and every day. It's gotten to the point that nothing really surprises me lately. All the things left undiscovered, just leave me wondering but not fearing anymore. I'm learning I'm stronger than I ever dreamed I could be. I've learned that I'm not capable of hating, that forgiveness is a choice but that forgetting will simply never happen.

It's no secret that I've been going through a lot of changes, and naturally those changes include my children, and there are a lot of raw emotions in this house of mine. But through it all, not only have the three of us (my boys and myself) drawn more close to each other than I'd ever imagined possible, but we've drawn closer to friends. Friends who've asked nothing from us but for us to let them be there for us. I actually think that letting friends get closer has been as hard for my kids as it has been for me, because we're all a little private.

Okay, so what does this have to do with the beginning of this post, the little story about my being angry with a friend of mine? This friend is a new friend, and one that I've found very easy to open up to. Now, I've made a couple of new friends since my family got gutted, for lack of a better word, and I actually sort of like that word, come to think about it, it's pretty accurate. One of these friends is a smart mouthed, sarcastic person that often says what I'm thinking and wish I could say if I wasn't....well...me.

The other friend is my stability, my voice of reason and is simply a great shoulder to lean on. What this friend recently taught me, was that regardless of the changes I have going on in my life right now, the world (mine, theirs...anyones) does not revolve around me. Actually, the way they put it was "not everything revolves around Texas", but I'm pretty sure they were talking about me. :) It was selfish of me to not consider there were things, besides me, going on in their life. And to this friend, I apologize. Truly, I am sorry. Thanks for listening to me rant and yell at you and not hanging up on me. Thanks for still having the guts to hang on to our friendship. Just to let you know, in case you don't know it already, I treasure you.

22 Comments:

Blogger Mike said...

Actually..from a purely technical stand point...the world revolves around me. You can thank me later for clearing that up for ya.

Hope all is going well for ya!!

1:08 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Kathi, we all have selfish times. But that doesn't make you a selfish person. A selfish person doesn't realize it even when it's pointed out to them. :-)

Case in point~ everybody knows the world doesn't revolve around TX... it revolves around ME...

((((((HUGS))))))

1:11 PM  
Blogger Epsilonicus said...

We all have temper flare-ups. Just as long as you recognize them and dont allow them to happen frequently, then you will be fine. it sounds as if you have a really good friend.

PS: I havent seen you at my blog in a while

1:30 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

Mike & Lisa ~ y'all neighbors??

espsilonicus ~ yup, you're right. And I'm sorry I've not been by lately, haven't really been around as much as usual...but caught up today, and LOVED hearing your audio blog (you're as much a goofball as I'd imagined) and it's good to know you missed me.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

Hey you!

I have never bought into the forgive and forget philosophy. For me, it's not possible to ever forget. I can overlook but I never forget.

you mean someone had to tell you the world doesn't revolve around you?

6:38 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

shawn ~ yeah, that's what I mean. Thanks so much for pointing it out to me...again. :)

6:40 PM  
Blogger samuru999 said...

Good friends are a true treasure!
They always listen and understand
when we just need to rant!
Blessings to you Kathi!

8:44 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

it's funny how in times of stress we revert to old habits without noticing and then someone points it out to us.

you know damm well the world doesn't revolve around you, y'all just forgot for a few weeks and remembered again damm fast.

you could be prouder of your awesomeness you know.

11:12 PM  
Blogger Heart Of Darkness said...

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Sometimes I think we put too much faith into our friends, and then we get disappointed.

One of my good friends turned her back on me completely when things started to go her way. When she was still struggling with school and unemployment, she leaned on me (financially, emotionally, timewise), but then things turned around, and suddenly, she's too good for me. She doesn't have the time to meet, she's always "on the run", she's got all these great new friends that simply adore her... and every time we talk, she drains me of all powers, because it's just "me, me, me, me" - and she never once asks about me. I might be selfcentered and conceited, but she outruns me by miles... the funny part here is, she doesn't even realize how laughable she sounds. She truly believes in her own words...

Take care, Kath! I still love you! ;)

3:51 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

sass ~ I could if it actually applied. :)

heart ~ awww, no hon, my friend was right, and meant me no harm. They are a good friend. Thanks for holding up for me anyway, sweet thing...

7:48 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Hmmmmm........ Now that's great that you forgave your friend...but what I'm thinking is, ..it wasn't too sensitive of that person to say that to you. Call me crazy and call me a big b*tch, but right now, it does revolve around you. (The way I see it.) I mean, we all have to have our pity parties sometimes, but what you went through sweetie, I can't imagine. And this trickles over to your boys too. How can this not revolve around you?

Sorry, there's my cheap ass two cents fer ya.

Love you!!!! xxoo

8:27 AM  
Blogger LoveLladro said...

Kathi... what a sucky lesson to have to learn... I hated going through it myself ;~) Glad to hear that you are approaching it with a positive attitude! May each and every one of us learn this lesson, over and over again!

8:27 AM  
Blogger The Real Kidd said...

((HUG))

9:08 AM  
Blogger DaBich said...

Ir shows what a great person you are, that you can admit to not being right.
Hold onto those friends :)

9:08 AM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

Maybe your friend is just a dick? Maybe your friend was trying to tell you that while things may be a bit bleak for you, that it's not as bad as many have it. All in all, you kind of have the world by the balls right now...that maybe you need to see the positives? Maybe your friend is a person that has no real idea what makes the other humans tick, and has guessed his/her own life about other's feelings as empathy is just a word to this person? Maybe your friend needs a good ass whupping, or at least to get laid. I am going with the last as I am just a nice guy. Ghandi of Battle Creek I am known as. Hey, btw...you have mail.

11:30 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

deb ~ darlin, everyone has there own "stuff" going on, and I can't imagine your ass ever being 'cheap'... :)

lovelladro ~ yup, a lot of life's lessons are sucky. But, what'cha gonna do?

kidd ~ hugs right back at'cha!

dabich ~ I've learned to be able to admit it from many and many repeat lessons.

tom ~ My friend isn't a dick, but I may agree with the good ass whupping on occasion.

1:18 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

Oh Kathi. I could have written this post I think. I have the same problem sometimes. I get very wrapped up in my troubles and I get angry at other people because they arent so wrapped. Its lonely to be wrapped up alone. I struggle with this and I get my feelings hurt when I shouldnt. What sucks is that it is almost impossible to talk yourself out of being hurt. I mean..you can convince yourself that you shouldnt have your feelings hurt and you can make yourself act like they arent..but it still hurts.

Okay..I just realized that all that I just wrote was way more about me than you. Sorry about that.

Good post Kathi..Yours have been making me think a lot lately. (as my dad would say..that is dangerous)

Love you ya know..

2:08 PM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

well I don't really have anything productive or constructive to say so I will send you a hug instead :)

((*HUG*))

9:47 PM  
Blogger Kellie said...

I have had a similar revelation lately. Somehow when problems are brewing it's easy to assume everyone else is as involved with your life as you are. But that's what friends are for... to listen to us and to revolve with us.

9:12 AM  
Blogger Clay said...

i think going through ups and downs w/ a friends and getting through it lets you know if you really have a friend.

9:26 AM  
Blogger nosthegametoo said...

Anger is such a complex emotion. I have to watch mine, so that I make sure it stays within my control.

3:00 PM  
Blogger :phil: said...

I think it's rather normal to feel we need attention or extra friendship when we are going through a rough time. It doesn't make it right or wrong, but we all do it. Not everyone catches themselves doing it though. That's part of why you're special Kathi, you're a compassionate woman.

12:19 AM  

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