Reflection
So, I'm thinking to myself...am I anywhere near where I thought I'd be by this age? Honestly, I never thought I'd live past 30, so I've actually exceeded my greatest expectations...
When I was young, around that age where I thought anything was possible, whether I applied myself or not, I dreamed of working for National Geographic as a photojournalist. I wanted to be able to travel alone, writing my own stories and taking my own pictures. Even back then, I dreamed of a life where I could be alone, doing what I loved most (writing and photography) but doing it alone.
I never entertained the thought of getting married or having children. First of all, I couldn't imagine going to bed and waking up with the same person for the rest of my life. Secondly, I couldn't stand kids. I suppose that is why my dream job would be doing something that I could do by myself.
So, here I am. I've somehow managed to live a life doing what I thought I'd never want to do, living with one man and having children. However, I'm not sorry for the life I've lived, just a little sorry for the life I haven't. Instead of stories with photographs, I've given the world two amazing young men. Men whom, I have no doubt, will make this world better than anything the dreams of my youth could have.
When I was young, around that age where I thought anything was possible, whether I applied myself or not, I dreamed of working for National Geographic as a photojournalist. I wanted to be able to travel alone, writing my own stories and taking my own pictures. Even back then, I dreamed of a life where I could be alone, doing what I loved most (writing and photography) but doing it alone.
I never entertained the thought of getting married or having children. First of all, I couldn't imagine going to bed and waking up with the same person for the rest of my life. Secondly, I couldn't stand kids. I suppose that is why my dream job would be doing something that I could do by myself.
So, here I am. I've somehow managed to live a life doing what I thought I'd never want to do, living with one man and having children. However, I'm not sorry for the life I've lived, just a little sorry for the life I haven't. Instead of stories with photographs, I've given the world two amazing young men. Men whom, I have no doubt, will make this world better than anything the dreams of my youth could have.
posted by kathi | 8:09 PM
32 Comments:
Just go with that last paragraph and I think you're all set. That's quite an accomplishment in itself.... one that many desire to attain I'm sure....
You write pretty good for a dead chick....after all you must be dead if all those other things are no longer a possibility. Maybe you've just been living a different PART of your life up till now. If you think about it, odds are good you wouldn't want to have kids NOW....and you might actually be better at writing stories and taking pictures with a little more life experience than you would have been THEN. Think about it......
Much love,
Lisa
I understand completely!
Once a year, about this time, I go into mental hibernation, thinking my life through, trying to analyze if the past year has been good and productive, and I always, ALWAYS come to the same conclusion - I'm not nearly as productive as I imagined I would be. I haven't actually DONE anything this year either. Another year, wasted...
I'm not depressed, just a bit gloomy. No, not that either. Infuriated over myself and my own inability to make something off my life!
But Kathi, sweety, you are doing good. I know it. You know it too.
We might not end up where we necessarily want to, but we always end up where we are supposed to.
(oh, and yeah, I'll completely deny I said those things in the future!) :)
Lisa said it well...you're not dead and you have your life ahead of you to do what YOU want to do.
And yeah, you have given this world two wonderful young men.
Congrats!
hey ... it's not too late to step up, break out the camera, and go to Africa to shoot for National Geographic ... ;)
Happy Birthday Kathi! Who knew our birthdays were so close?
Enjoy your day with your boys!
That was touching!
Now you have the rest of your life
ahead of you... and I just know it
will be amazing, and wonderful...
just like you.:)
oh. .. is it your birthday today?
Have the best day ever!!!!!!!! :)
kathi: I have not been around lately. Loved your entry today. I actually wrote about age today, sort of the same thing, reminding myself that we are here only a short time.
Thanks for raising two wonderful boys! We need more people with integrity, and it sounds like you are doing more than your part!
Although you live in Texas, you aren't dead yet dear. Plenty of time for some individual accolades, apart from bearing and raising two great young men. The average age for someone in your race and social status is around 77 I think. See, you have at least 10 more years to get things done....hehe. Love ya...
Hello folks.....can I have your attention please?
While I could be wrong, it would appear that Kathi is holing out on us. According to her comment on Carnations page yesterday, TODAY is her birthday.
So here goes...
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday deaaaarrrr Kattthhhhyyyyy
Happy Birthday to youuuuuu.
Damn I'm gonna' feel stupid if it's not really her birthday....
Did I let a secret out Kathi? =)
That's OK...I think you'll enjoy all the birthday well wishes you are about to get!
Is one of your sons going to bake a cake?
YAY Lisa! I agree with her post 110%! *wink*
wes ~ thanks darlin, I have to agree that my two guys are quite an accomplishment. Thank you.
lisa ~ when did you get so wise, huh? I just talked to you yesterday, you take a nap or something? LOL, I know, I wasn't thinking that life was over, but I didn't think of it your way either, so thanks for that. Honestly, thank you.
heart ~ hey sugar, got your 'email' this morning and looking forward to reading all of it. Thank you for trusting me.
dabich ~ yeah, who knew lisa had that in her? :) Thanks for the kind words, appreciate them and duly noted!
dzer ~ or Guam? Who knows? Chrissie suggested moving. :)
carnations ~ thank you, hope it's as good as yours was!
samuru999 ~ you're so sweet, thank you. AND, thanks for the good wishes!
leesa ~ I'll be by to read it, I'm sure it's better than mine, always is. And, yup, it seems to get shorter every day. Thanks for the kind words, means a great deal to me, thank you.
tom ~ kma... That gives me a good 11 years at least, jerk. Teasing, I love you too, you're my best buddy and I'm so grateful for you. You're infuriating, frustrating, obnoxious and sarcastic...all the traits I require in a close friend.
lisa, lisa, lisa ~ may be my b'day, but you're gonna get the spanking! :) I had so much fun talking to you yesterday. Thanks for the song, the wishes and for our new friendship. Tag, you're it.
carnations ~ well, yeah, you did...but it's okay. I should have told why I was 'reflecting' on this point in my life for this post. Would have made more sense that way, maybe. Who knows. But thanks for all my wishes!
Are they going to bake a cake? Hmmmmm...dunno. I've been off sugar for a few weeks, so hope not. Going out to my favorite restaurant with a good friend tonight though...looking forward to that!
kidd ~ don't go getting her head any bigger, geeze, she can hardly hold it up the way it is. :) Yeah, okay...I agree with her 110% too.
Happy Birthday Girl!!!!!
I think what Lisa said is right. God has a plan and maybe just maybe he is still working on it but I know it's going to be okay in the end. You have done a great job with Casey and Charlie. Because the boys are going to be such responsible independent stable adults, means that you will be able to concentrate on this creative part of your life. In a way you really have already started with your blog and your photo blog. Keep working on it because you always leave us wanting more.
Thinking of you big time today!
Miss you ,Love you
Not too shabby in my opinion.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! How old are you again? Just kidding dont answer that, because you should never ask a women their age! Take care love ya'll much
xoxo
Abi
p.s. YES you do have 2 wonderful young men in your life and thats all you need!
yeah, you'll do great at something solo and far away when your nest is empty... or sooner. hell you could become a teacher on a tall ship and bring charlie along with you lol
anyway i'm with everyone else who has faith that you will find your path because you're supposed to :)
oh yeah!
happy birthday!
Happy birthday lady, and Lisa is correct. You're not dead yet, so now that your boys are (nearly) grown, you are able to go and do as you please
To me, from what I see, you have it all. You're an incredible writer with a love for God, you have a great family...and yes, you're going through a difficult time, but sweetie, everything will fall into place. I have faith in you....and you have faith in God... so what more can you ask for?
I hope you're doing great, and tell the boys I said hi!
beautifully said kathi..
katy ~ thank you!!! I loved all my presents, thank you soooo much. I hope I never ever lose you, no matter how hard I try! :)
mike ~ uhhhmmmmm, thanks?
abi ~ thank you darlin, love you too!
sass ~ thanks, y'all are lifting me up today, and I appreciate it soooo much.
amanda ~ it's becoming more and more clear to me...thanks!
deb ~ I need to stay focused and know that through this all, there's God's plan for me. Love you, thanks.
anne ~ thank you hon, take care, praying for you.
chrissie ~ thank you lady!!!!
Kathi how did you get into teaching if you hated kids?
just curious
huneeb ~ I started subbing so I could work the same hours and days as my kids, I hated it till I found that it was just the little kids I couldn't stand, that I loved subbing high school and alternative classes. I have more than enough college hours to sub, but never went after a teaching certificate, because...I never liked kids. :) Honest question, honest answer.
thats interesting :) good to be honest
Kathi, "in God I trust - everybody else have to have signed docutments of validity"... :)
Looking forward to your critique!
Take care & have a great weekend!
Sometimes it is kinda cool when God has "other" plans for our lives:-}
Well, I still think you can combine both photography and writing by launching your own card line. :-D Come on Mrs Hallmark. I'll order my Christmas cards from ya!
There's a line from a John Lennon song that goes "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". I never gave much thought as to what I wanted to do when I got older (notice I didn't say 'grow up'). I didn't think I wanted kids either, I couldn't take the crying and whining. I happy things have worked out as they did for me though.
You always have such good posts Kathi.
Part of your writing talent it seems :-)
Dreams are not meant for the past tense. Never look at old dreams. Life is only ever 80% perfect. When we hit 40 we gain the wisdom not to drop the 80% while trying to grasp the 20% we don't have. Later, if we're lucky, we gain true wisdom by realizing that much of the 20% we don't have is possible, if we simply drop some of the crap we've been holding that we no longer need.
Be young, always and dream in the present tense. The true gift of talent is that God has whispered it in your ear. And what God whispers, we never forget.
Did you think I forgot I love you?
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