Here it is. This is it. When you truly think of it, there's really no getting around it. Use the brain that God gave you and all will reveal itself to you. Here we go.
I am not an advocate of letting people walk all over you. If you are wronged then you can wrong back until you are at peace. Do two wrongs make a right? No, but one wrong that goes unanswered is worse that than those 2 wrongs in many cases, (I'm thinking of the death penalty here, I don't push for it but I have not had any family members killed either.) It's ok to get angry. It's okay to exact revenge, retribution, restitution, or any other word that would help with my alliteration here. Just be ready for the system, the man, family and friends, even God to exact that pound of flesh when you are done getting yours. It's a cycle and one that only ends when it's judgment time. Paybacks or the like are not why I am writing this, I'm just trying to show that I believe in breaking even, getting square, full well knowing that I too will have be the brunt of the same treatment by someone or something.
Life should be about love. I live life thinking about the loves I have lost, don't have, or will never get. Most of the time I don't look around and see that love, true love, exists in everything and everywhere. I can remember one time that I acted like I knew this. It's a true story and I probably only thought this way because I was knocked unconscious, or because my senses were dulled due to alcohol and psychotropic drugs. It was my 30th birthday. I was in Law school at the time, and had also just found a room to rent so I was effectively not homeless any longer. It was my birthday, and because I needed to party I had taken out an emergency loan through the school for 500 bucks. I decided to go to the worst parts of the great city of San Diego. I was about ¾ of the way toward being passed out drunk when I felt the need to visit another bar on my "I am acting like a big shot, drunken idiot tour 1994." Anyway, a young man called me into an alley with a derogatory name about my sexuality. I always think I am a tough guy, but fuel it with a few dozen beers and I am friggin invincible. I walked down the alley and was met by a bat or pole to the back of the head. Bam, bip, bop, to use the lingo of the old Batman and Robin show. They played kickball with my head, I remember seeing around 5-6 pairs of shoes and boots. So far not a big deal, right? A drunk gets what was probably coming to him in an alley in a part of town that he had no business being in. Ho hum, this story has been told before and will be again by others. Here's the deal though. When I was knocked out I felt myself above the action. I didn't feel like I was floating, more like I was standing on something sturdy and watching the action. I was an observer to my own ass whupping. Did I feel anger? Nope. This is the kicker. I felt sadness for the guys kicking me for having to resort to such things. I found myself wondering where their lives had gone wrong to put themselves in such a situation. Strange huh?
This is how I know I should lead my life. Have some sympathy, empathy, and compassion for my fellow humans. Get rid of the anger, the fear, and lack of trust in humanity that has plagued me my short 41 years. How does one go about it? Church? I don't think so. How does one elevate themselves to a point where they see good and bad, appreciating the former and helping fix the latter? How do you make your life matter? These are the questions plaguing me this morning. I did learn a thing or two from my mugging, and also received a life long inability to smell, which has served me well on certain occasions. How do I take what I learned and raise it up a notch? How can I serve, and not be served? Ok, enough of the self-questioning…someone might take me for someone that cares….