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MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Sunday, August 13, 2006

This was written by a friend of mine, and sent to me as an email. It's sad that they're not writing anymore, because I believe the talent they have is amazing. So, with or without protest, I'll just post a few of their emails on here. It would be selfish of me to do otherwise.

Here it is. This is it. When you truly think of it, there's really no getting around it. Use the brain that God gave you and all will reveal itself to you. Here we go.

I am not an advocate of letting people walk all over you. If you are wronged then you can wrong back until you are at peace. Do two wrongs make a right? No, but one wrong that goes unanswered is worse that than those 2 wrongs in many cases, (I'm thinking of the death penalty here, I don't push for it but I have not had any family members killed either.) It's ok to get angry. It's okay to exact revenge, retribution, restitution, or any other word that would help with my alliteration here. Just be ready for the system, the man, family and friends, even God to exact that pound of flesh when you are done getting yours. It's a cycle and one that only ends when it's judgment time. Paybacks or the like are not why I am writing this, I'm just trying to show that I believe in breaking even, getting square, full well knowing that I too will have be the brunt of the same treatment by someone or something.

Life should be about love. I live life thinking about the loves I have lost, don't have, or will never get. Most of the time I don't look around and see that love, true love, exists in everything and everywhere. I can remember one time that I acted like I knew this. It's a true story and I probably only thought this way because I was knocked unconscious, or because my senses were dulled due to alcohol and psychotropic drugs. It was my 30th birthday. I was in Law school at the time, and had also just found a room to rent so I was effectively not homeless any longer. It was my birthday, and because I needed to party I had taken out an emergency loan through the school for 500 bucks. I decided to go to the worst parts of the great city of San Diego. I was about ¾ of the way toward being passed out drunk when I felt the need to visit another bar on my "I am acting like a big shot, drunken idiot tour 1994." Anyway, a young man called me into an alley with a derogatory name about my sexuality. I always think I am a tough guy, but fuel it with a few dozen beers and I am friggin invincible. I walked down the alley and was met by a bat or pole to the back of the head. Bam, bip, bop, to use the lingo of the old Batman and Robin show. They played kickball with my head, I remember seeing around 5-6 pairs of shoes and boots. So far not a big deal, right? A drunk gets what was probably coming to him in an alley in a part of town that he had no business being in. Ho hum, this story has been told before and will be again by others. Here's the deal though. When I was knocked out I felt myself above the action. I didn't feel like I was floating, more like I was standing on something sturdy and watching the action. I was an observer to my own ass whupping. Did I feel anger? Nope. This is the kicker. I felt sadness for the guys kicking me for having to resort to such things. I found myself wondering where their lives had gone wrong to put themselves in such a situation. Strange huh?

This is how I know I should lead my life. Have some sympathy, empathy, and compassion for my fellow humans. Get rid of the anger, the fear, and lack of trust in humanity that has plagued me my short 41 years. How does one go about it? Church? I don't think so. How does one elevate themselves to a point where they see good and bad, appreciating the former and helping fix the latter? How do you make your life matter? These are the questions plaguing me this morning. I did learn a thing or two from my mugging, and also received a life long inability to smell, which has served me well on certain occasions. How do I take what I learned and raise it up a notch? How can I serve, and not be served? Ok, enough of the self-questioning…someone might take me for someone that cares….

10 Comments:

Blogger Lisa said...

nice posts...tell your friend they should keep writing. :-)

2:14 PM  
Blogger Wes said...

Whoa, deep for a weekend still, but very good.

Hope everything is going well!

10:23 PM  
Blogger samuru999 said...

Good writing...deep!
Missing you at my blog!
Hope all is peaceful!
Take care!

7:28 AM  
Blogger bbsgirl said...

That is some very good writing and I have to say that I can relate to some of that in a big way. Alot of good questions in there too.

I just saw the photo in your previous post...I'm glad he had the braids taken out. My son tried dread locks once...and only once as I ended up having to tell him that I truely disliked them and if it was something he truely wanted he could wait till he was 18 an on his own to do them....he said he didn't really like them anyway...lol. They love to experiment and as long as it's harmless experimenting I guess they shouldn't be denied.

Have a great day Kathi!!

7:34 AM  
Blogger HuneeB said...

You have to continue to live in love, and I believe that it will come back to you...what you put out there is what you get in return

3:04 PM  
Anonymous steve said...

A wonderful post that will for sure make one think!
Have a great day!

11:22 AM  
Blogger DaBich said...

Without love there is only emptiness. Tell your friend to keep up the good work. It's nice to know someone cares ;)

8:06 AM  
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