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I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Friday, March 10, 2006

Our Burden To Bear

Ever want to carry someone else's burden? Sometimes it's hard to listen to, hear about or read about someone else's pain.

Parents, I know, feel this a lot. I would give anything to be able to carry the hurt my kids sometimes have to go through. From the time they're babies and they're sick or in pain, till the time they're grown and go through all kinds of emotional and physical pain. But pain is a form of the learning process. The weak either get stronger and learn from it...or they don't and they wallow in it. Sometimes to try and carry someone else's pain is actually depriving them of learning how to equip themselves for the many tomorrows yet to come.

My Mom-in-law recently found out her cancer has returned. The first time around, the treatments were horrific for her. I'd give anything if I could go through this for her.

My oldest (16), had his heart broken last summer. I'd given anything to have carried that helplessly lonely feeling for him, because I remember it all to well.

My best friends son has tourrettes, and has been asked to stay out of the public schools since 7th grade (4 years ago). They've not been able to go as a family to the store, restaurants or the movies because people stare at him and have honestly asked the parents if they can 'make' him stop. I wish I could carry both the parents and this great young mans pain for awhile, to give them all a break and a 'normal' life, even if it could be for just one day.

The day our family cat, Falco, died in the morning minutes before my boys had to leave for school to take their first day of semester finals. They both left in tears, but never asked to stay home, knowing they had important tests to take. I wish I could have carried that pain for them that day, on top of my own.

There is all kinds of pain, and every kind is valid to the one bearing it. The majority of the time, we're not able to take it from them, to carry their load or even make it lighter, regardless of how much we'd like to be able to. Only ONE was, and is, able to do that, and how heavy that burden must have been! I'm not a martyr, not really even much of a sympathetic kind of person, but there are times when I know, without a single doubt in my mind, that I would take someone else's pain for them, if at all possible. But, for whatever reason, we each have a journey that is ours alone to complete. The most we can do is try to lighten that load for others when given the opportunity. It may be a hug, it may be our presence accompanied by our silence, it may be a few words of encouragement, or it may be keeping our distance. Life isn't an exact science, it's a trial and error journey, adventure, experiment even. Whether we choose to go it alone or with someone beside us is our choice. Whether we choose to learn and grow, or wallow in pity and stagnate, it's our choice. Life goes on either way.

A great and inspiring video sent to me by Nikki.


Blogger Mike said...

You have such a great heart kathi!

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



10:14 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

you said it, right on! i totally feel that way so much!

thanks for your comment on my blog, kathi. it meant a lot and i appreciate it dearly. thanks for sharing.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Kellie said...

I am sorry about your cat, Kathi. You DO have a great heart- and I love your posts.

1:08 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. My prayers and thoughts are with you all.

Sometimes an emotional pain is just as bad or even worse than a physical pain.

I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. ~Philippians 4:13

I think the most important thing is to have faith and to know that God will work in mysterious ways to help you and anyone else going through tough times.

Thanks for sharing this Kath!

Love you! xxoo!!

1:26 PM  
Blogger Stacy-Deanne said...

Gave you a shout out at my blog. Check it out.

2:41 PM  
Blogger SmileDragon said...

What a powerful post! You are a kind and wonderful person!

3:07 PM  
Blogger bbsgirl said...

I hate to see others suffer and I know exactly what you mean.

sorry about the news your Mother in law has...I'll be sure to lift her up in prayer.

7:58 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

mike ~ don't be silly, I don't have a heart!

abi ~ we love you too, cutie!! Bring that brother over here!

laura ~ hey, thank you TOO!

kelly ~ and I adore YOU!

deb ~ we're claiming total healing! Love you too honey bunny!

stacy d ~ wow, thank you so much...still looking for that fishing and ribs post, lol!

crystal ~ talk about powerful post...I read both of yours today...wow. And...no I'm not!

jan ~ thank you...just like I lifted up your grandbaby! Hugs!

10:41 PM  
Blogger DZER said...

amen kathi ... amen

*big hugs*

3:46 AM  
Blogger :phil: said...

Great post Kathi. I am dealing with an illness and I'm so glad I have it and not my kids. I couldn't handle them being sick like this. I sometimes think I got it (cancer) because I can handle it. I know I've been an inspiration to others who are dealing with it so maybe that's part of my purpose (if I even believe that I have a purpose)

8:33 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

dzer ~ big hugs back at'cha sugar.

phil ~ of course you have a purpose, I hope you know that you do. Thank you for your kind words, phil. I'll be lifting you up in my thoughts and prayers too.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Bill Jones, Jr said...

Kathi, you love to see yourself as a loner, unsympathetic, sarcastic... but we see through that stuff. All that is cover to keep the you we see safe. It's okay that you fool you, but you don't fool us.

Sympathy is overrated. I can honestly say I've never felt that emotion. What counts is what you do, not what you feel. I have two close friends who are cancer survivors. My ex-wife kicked Cancer's ass 3 times. She simply chose not to give in. The 2nd time, I was living with her, and didn't know she developed breast cancer. She slept in another bedroom when she didn't want me to know about her chemo. She decided that only she could beat this disease, so she chose to get tougher, and to feel like she could do it alone.

My role was to remind her she was still alive. To let her life seem normal. Sometimes sympathy isn't what's needed. What's need is a safe rock in a storm. Be the Rock love. Be the Rock.

Love you. (The real kind.)

2:14 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

sable ~ you give me too much credit...trust me, it's not me I'm fooling.

2:40 PM  
Blogger Casually Me said...

How in the hell am I supposed to be grumpy when I read your stuff? That message of hope and redemption (it's a theme for you,) gets me every time. Now stop it..lol..very nice...

3:56 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

cm ~ I'm just trying to get you any way I can, so stop your whining and just give me a big ole' smile!

10:08 PM  
Blogger Stacy-Deanne said...

About the burden part...
I think it's automatic that you carry someone's burden if you have a good heart, Kathi. It has to do with conscience so you automatically feel bad and wish you can help the person. Just my opinion. At least that is how I am. I worry so much about others I make myself sick you know? It's just who I am. I often take my loved ones problems as my own.

9:40 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

stacy d ~ I don't doubt that about you at all. Hugs darlin.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess that is what makes it more painful, knowing that you can't really do anything to take it away

The thought does count but !


7:12 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

tbg ~ sometimes you can take it away, or help lighten the load, or take their mind off of it for a brief second of time. But my point, also, is that if we do take away all burdens, then we take their lessons away as well. Cheers back at'cha darlin.

8:52 PM  
Blogger joey♥ said...

loved this post :). i know how you feel. i hate seeing others hurting so much. it's hard to bear. thanks for writing this.

10:53 PM  
Blogger Brea said...

Wondeful post. You have such a big heart!

11:37 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

I'm stunned. That was very well said. Excellent post. Thank you.

9:05 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

joey ~ thanks sweetie.

brea ~ thanks to you too! Big heart...nah, not really.

green h ~ wow, thank you very much. appreciate it.

1:32 PM  
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