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I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Our Girl

Charlie and I are on our way to McKinney, a small town north of Dallas, to walk around the square, shop at some of the antique stores and I can take some pictures. So, since I don't have too much time, I'm going to post something short and light natured.
My neighbor, and best friends', daughter has a drug problem. She's had a lot of problems, and we've all made allowances. God knows, I've been there and done that. My kids have grown up with, and love, this girl. She's 20, dropped out of school at 16, went back to get her GED, went to college (with her dad completely funding it) and dropped out 1/2 way through the first semester. She's not able to keep a job, because she always quits. She disappears for days, sometimes weeks, at a time.
This girl is beautiful, highly intelligent, funny...and as inconsiderate as they come. Her mom is a flight attendant and is out of town 3 - 4 days out of the week. She usually has to spend those few days at home cleaning and trying to repair the damage that's been done while she's away. Our girl will come home now and then, except for when her mom is home. (Her mom and dad have been divorced for about 10 years or a little more)
I don't mind anyone getting high. I understand it. Like I said, been there and done that. Although I've been completely clean for 21 years, I had done everything that didn't require me to put a needle in my arm. Our girl is enjoying the variety of all that's out there, but for the last year, crystal meth has been the main drug of choice.
Her boyfriend, which has stood by her when I would have spanked her ass and put her to the curb too many times to count, loves her unconditionally. About 3 weeks ago she totaled his new $40,000 truck. They found drugs in her system. How she wasn't arrested, I'm not sure. (Did I fail to mention that she is a frequent cell flyer with our county jail? Assault and battery, speeding tickets unpaid...) The people in the truck she hit were sent to the hospital. She was home for about a week, mainly since her boyfriend didn't have a truck she could borrow.
I guess I haven't mentioned that she spends any time she is home, at our house. My husband cooks for her, she has always made our home her home, and I'd not have had it any other way. It was during the week after the accident, while she was home and I knew she was clean and sober, that I told her that if I saw a certain person over at her house (for clarity, we'll just call him 'Idiot', but it's not his real name) I would call the police. Idiot has been the person who supports her habit, and her mom has asked me to try to keep him out of her house when she's not home. When I first met Idiot, I asked him how old he was, "24". I asked Idiot what he did for a living, "bakes pizza at a pizza place". I asked him if he was going to go to college, "I plan on it, but I have to get my GED first". See a pattern here? So, anyway, our girl said she understood that, she was going to stop hanging with that crowd anyway. Okay, good deal. I told her that I didn't want a known dealer around my house or my kids and that I'd promised her mom to keep him out of her house.
Yesterday she had him at her house. I called the police. By the time they got here, they were all gone. They asked me what car they were in, I didn't know. Later last evening, they came back. Idiot was in the back seat, the owner of the car was in the passenger seat (no license) and our girl had been driving, but not in the car.
I take a notebook and pen, go outside and say hello as I step behind the car and write down the license plate number and the make of the car. As they started yelling at me, our girl comes out and tells them that she had told them earlier that I had said I'd call the police. I told her I loved her, came inside and called the police. They took off. She called later and wanted to know why I'd called when Idiot wasn't driving and it wasn't his car. I briefly reminded her of our conversation, and she reminded me that she had just totaled a car and had a warrant out and that she was driving the car. I reminded her that she's never to call me on my phone and disrespect me. In the background I can hear Idiot and the car's owner yelling. I may have put a damper on their evening.
I've had to leave a note on her door today that, as she's been told a dozen times in the last few weeks, her 'boyfriend' can not get a rental car, or close the case with his insurance company on his truck being totaled and therefore getting him in a new vehicle, until she gives a statement. She just hasn't found the time...in 3 weeks.
I also left on this note that she and I need to talk. Lord, again. Only this time, my family and I have decided to ban her from our home and family. This breaks my heart. We love this girl. We have high hopes for this girl. Her mom is going to change the locks (after having her computer, lawn mower, vacuum, and tv disappear) but her mom has been saying this for about a year. I can't control what my friend does with her home or daughter, but I do have control with my home and family. My husband and I can not let our kids have an inkling of an idea that this kind of behavior is acceptable in any way. I'm dying inside, dreading the talk I'll have to have soon with our girl.
Prayers, please.


Blogger Romeo Jensen said...

I've seen that same story far too often in my life... drugs are destructive... end of story

2:38 PM  
Blogger BigBill said...

You have to do it!
Your love for the girl is strong and thats good but nothing should overshadow the safety of your family.
You know that and that is why you are going to do what you have to do.
It's weird when your clean and sober on the ourside of the party fence looking in....You can see everything so clearly, like the way a life goes into a totally visible tailspin at least visible to everyone but the individule under the influence..
I have a guy I used to work with who I found out was doing blow for a long time and eventually ended up quiting here. I have talked to him periodically over the years and have watched his life deteriarate right in front of his eyes. He has just sold his house and he and his wife are moving into a trailer...Not that there is anything wrong with a trailer but..
He stands before me telling how much better off he will be cause he won't have a mortgage and will only have to pay $500.00 a month for the trailer spot...He is fat as all hell jittery like you wouldn't believe it's appearent he is smoking it now..He actually said he smokes it cause that keeps him from going out and getting more. I just don't get the whole drug thing????
You go girl you are doing the right thing..

5:40 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

romey ~ agreed, completely.

bill ~ I appreciate your words more than you can know. Thank you.

5:52 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

Sounds like the right thing to do.

This story reminds me of the profiles on the tv show Intervention

12:55 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

shawn ~ thanks for the comment. It's good to have you visit, I like your blog very much. I've never heard of the show Intervention.

12:59 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Kathi sweetie, all you can do is pray for her. She knows that you love her. The most important aspect of this story is that you know what she is going through. You are really going out of your way to make things easier for her---but she can't 'see' that. All she sees is this 'idiot' and her addiction. Unfortunately it rules out or blinds her--of unconditional love that you are so generously giving to her.

Do not take it personal. Realize that she is out of control, and now just leave it in God's hands.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, watching her suffer and ruining her life.

My prayers are with you, and your neighbor's daughter.

{{hugs}} You're one amazing woman, and God knows that more than I do!

8:12 AM  
Blogger Johnny Newt said...

Hi, Kathi
I'd have to agree with Deb, I can't even tell you the number of times that my family has tried to help my younger sister out of her addiction, but the truth is that when drugs has its claws buried deep it is all that she will feel or care about. I'm sure if she could see through the haze of addiction,she would realize how much you love and care for her, but that is probably not going to happen until she has lost everyhting she holds dear. It seems that when that time comes it is as walking on the edge of a blade either turning away from the addiction completely or falling into self destruction, no middle ground in this battle. Please be at peace with the knowlege that you can only love her while she walks the path she chooses.

8:33 AM  
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