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MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to. God bless.

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Location: Dallas, Texas, United States

Monday, November 14, 2005

Let It Go

I threw it away, into the deep blue of the ocean. I never wanted to see it again. I never wanted to be reminded of what it had stood for, or what it had meant to me. It had meant nothing to you, it was nothing but an empty gesture. Yes, I knew that at the time you gave it to me, and still I cherished it. It helped me to remember the smiles that had once existed. Existed before the tears began, before the lies were constant...before your heart turned cold.
You wonder if I miss it? You ask if I regret abandoning it in a place that will hide it forever? No, it was a relief to let it go. I remember holding it tightly in my fist. But then, without a whisper of regret, I opened my hand and let it go. It was so much easier than I had expected it to be. Instant freedom filled me. Freedom from questioning, from broken promises, false hopes and shame. Yes, shame, for having kept my eyes closed for so long. "There are none so blind as those who will not see." But I see now, and I see clearly.

42 Comments:

Blogger Joey Polanski said...

Hey! Littl Donny Dark!

6:43 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

joey ~ LOL, what's that mean??

6:50 PM  
Blogger Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said...

Beautiful and soulful in that wistful kind of way. Like wither clouds that fade into a sunset.

7:39 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

Kathi ... this seems quite sad to me (although not so sad on the other hand) ... did I miss something?

7:40 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

greg ~ wow, can't tell you how much that means to me. Thank you.

wendy ~ no, you didn't. Just a reflection.

7:51 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Kathi,

I could really relate to what you wrote, as it can apply to so many things. Thanks for sharing.

9:56 PM  
Blogger Georgiapeach said...

Did you write that Kathi? Because I kid you not, as soon as I started reading it, I thought about the Titanic. You know at the end when she threw the gem in the ocean? Its really beautiful. I am going to read it again and get a more thought-provoking interpretation of it.

10:01 PM  
Blogger Joey Polanski said...

Kathi,

Check out a movie calld Buttrflys are Free wit Goldie Hawn an Edward Albert -- from bout 1972. Thatll xplain the Donny Dark refrence an how it applys t yer post. Youll also be glad ya watchd th film cause its good. Obscure tho it is, it IS availabl on DVD. If yer not able t view it, lemme no an Ill just xplain the refrence.

10:39 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

michelle ~ thanks, really, thanks alot for saying that.

GP ~ yes, wrote it during work today (it was a boring day)and I've never seen The Titanic, but I've tried a couple of times (just couldn't get into it, don't hold it against me :) )

joey ~ I remember that movie! Been years and years ago, I'll have to rent it. Wanna see the comparison.

11:04 PM  
Blogger DZER said...

thanks for sharing this one ... unclear and yet clear ...

2:49 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

dzer ~ you're welcome, and yet...no, that's right...you're welcome.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Nikki Jo said...

I have to agree with GP, I thought of Titanic when I first started to read it. But, it was beautiful nonetheless. Good post Kathi!

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Katy said...

There's the artistic side I knew was in there. Very nice!

10:09 AM  
Blogger Kellie said...

Great post- beautifully written!

10:38 AM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

Wow Kathi- I am so impressed with this. I can totally relate to this poem. I remember the poem you wrote regarding my past situation, and you're very talented in that area.

Did you ever consider making a dedicated blog for your poetry?

I think your words are brilliant! Thanks for sharing this!

{{hugs}}

10:50 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

nikki ~ hmmmmmm Titanic...about a boat, yes?

katy ~ thank you, my buddy!

kelli ~ thank you too, I really do appreciate it, I'm really shy about posting my 'writing'.

deb ~ stop making fun of me, you're gonna make me cry! (thanks deb, love you)

10:57 AM  
Blogger Brea said...

Wow - that is amazing.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Nikki Jo said...

No not about the boat itself, that's just silly. I meant about the ending where she drops the necklace into the ocean.

1:05 PM  
Blogger Nikki Jo said...

But like I said, it was beautiful! Well done...

1:06 PM  
Blogger African girl, American world said...

How come I just finished listening to one of my favorite songs called 'Let it Go' and then clicked on your blog?!!!
Life....everything is planned.

1:32 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Well...I'd like to have it back...if it wouldn't be too much trouble....lol

3:45 PM  
Blogger bbsgirl said...

I threw something away once to get someone off my mind and it really worked so I can relate to this. However flushing it down the toilet is in no way a cool comparison to that lovely writing you did.

4:33 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

brea ~ thanks, that's very kind.

nikki ~ honnnn, I'm just giving you a hard time. Thanks again though. Terri was over today and I showed her your blog. We both love the black and white pic, so gorgeous.

hapee ~ God is good~ :)

mike ~ LOL, dive for it!

jan ~ so nice to have you back, though I know you'd rather still be on vacation...with bob. Thanks for the sweet words. Appreciate it greatly.

4:45 PM  
Blogger BigBill said...

Is this about letting go of the love you have for someone who is not giving it back? Is this person just had enough and is at a juncture were they just finally let it go? Is this person feeling the freedom of being rid of this burden and at a point where they can finally move on?
If so I thought that was very well put and I understood it totally. If its not, would you mind explaining what the fuck your talking about here? LOL

6:12 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

Well, after reading this I feel challenged to complete a song I've been tooling around with for the last few days that I just can't seem to finish.

I sure love It helped me remember the smiles that once existed...before the tears began...before the lies...before your heart turned cold

6:27 PM  
Blogger Salbert said...

Yes.... but what are we taikin' 'bout here, we got memories, wedding rings, it could be anything you're letting go here!

6:36 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

big bill ~ #3!!! You're so good!

shawn ~ In case I've not told you lately...I adore you. Shame I'm happily married because I think 'we complete each other'...LOL.

salbert ~ memories, of a sort. Well done!

7:51 PM  
Blogger ~Deb said...

How did I make fun of you???????????????????? I complimented you! *pokes you in the ribs*

Hey...notice a trend here Kath????????????????

*looking up at you*

8:48 PM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

Beautiful and yet I'm left wanting more (story of my life).

9:39 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

deb ~ I was teasing girl (I find it hard to accept compliments). And yeah...I see a trend, I keep laughing at you!

jenn ~ thank you, that's so sweet. LoL, that's my life too!

9:44 PM  
Blogger Wes said...

Rose, you best be gettin' in that water and chasing down that diamond before Calvin comes back to get you....

9:57 PM  
Blogger MG said...

Whoa! Did you bobbitize someone?

10:07 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

wes ~ ??? You lost me hon.

mg ~ Not yet, but I'm still young.

10:20 PM  
Blogger Wes said...

Titanic my dear....

:)

10:44 PM  
Blogger Wes said...

Oh wait, you mean you weren't quoting the old lady's thoughts at the end of the film?!

Heh heh, j/k

10:46 PM  
Blogger kathi said...

wes ~ apparently I'm the only person alive that's not watched Titanic. But, yet, I guess I'm able to channel some woman (Rose?) from it. At least I hope she was a looker.

10:59 PM  
Blogger SignGurl said...

Kathi~I was never able to make it through the Titanic either. Wayyyyy to long.

11:22 PM  
Blogger Clay said...

it is sad, but i like it ... very honest.

11:50 PM  
Anonymous blackops said...

hmmmm....what was his name?

very nice btw

6:50 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:58 AM  
Blogger kathi said...

jenn ~ with you there darlin'.

clay ~ thanks. I didn't find it sad, I found it...liberating.

blackops ~ hmmmmm, jerry would be as good a name as any. :) btw, thanks.

6:59 AM  
Blogger Bill Jones, Jr said...

Kathi,

This sounds like how I felt when I threw my wedding ring out the car window, once I realized my ex wanted me to move out.

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, we are free at last!

Didn't mean a thing to her that I threw it away, but it meant the world to me.

10:07 PM  

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