I'm a single mom with two great kids living near Dallas, Texas. This is my life; day to day things that are probably only important to me. This is my record of my ups, my downs and the road that I've taken along the way. For whatever reason YOU'RE here, I hope you find something you can enjoy and/or relate to.
I need a guarantee...on me. I know it's common that once you reach a certain age...like 40'ish, or whatever, that things start to change...settle, whatever. Last November I tore the ligament in my knee, took me seven months to get surgery. I didn't get this injury skiing, running, or even by walking to the mailbox. All I did was turn, or attempt to, when I was at work. Thank God it did happen while I was at work, though, since Worker's Comp took care of everything. But regardless, all I did was turn around.
Apparently after my surgery my knee became infected. A week ago this past Friday my knee began swelling up and became hot. My calf and my upper thigh began throbbing. I have an appt with my Surgeon for this week, so I was hoping to just make it till I could get in to see him. I'm in physical therapy, and they've been hooking me up to some kind of electrodes to try and break up the swelling...not working
Then last week I ate a piece of candy that Casey had, a sweetart. I love sweetarts. And, I broke my back molar. Broke off a huge piece of my tooth. Wasn't painful at all, just the jagged edge of my tooth on my cheek was the only bother. Friday I had a root canal and they put on a temporary crown for me. My mouth is seriously too small for two people to be in, and I honestly don't believe my mouth was meant to pulled and stretched the way it was, but it wasn't painful in the least and I didn't even have to take an ibuprofen or anything after it, so not much to complain about there.
Because of the root canal, the dentist put me on some strong antibiotics. After about 30 hours of antibiotics, I noticed the swelling and the pain in my knee had greatly decreased. Great news. It's still a bit swollen and warm, but nothing like it was and I have an appt. with my surgeon tomorrow, so it's all good.
But here is the thing; I'm beginning to feel like this body (that still has a lot of living yet to do) is beginning to betray me a bit. Can't fault it, I suppose I've take advantage of it quite a bit. I suppose I'm paying for not taking better care of it...or maybe regardless of how much care you take, these things happen. Most of the patients my surgeon has are runners and athletes. Yeah, I got hurt turning around...so see, things can happen to anyone. And the broken tooth...again, can happen to anyone. Still...it's happening to me, and I'm a tad tired of this vessel breaking down on me. I'd like a few months of smooth sailing...actually I'd be happy with a weekend.
* Apparently I hit publish instead of save last night as I was beginning to post. I knew I was getting sleepy, thought 'I should finish this tomorrow' and instead I published it. So for all you that read the earlier...unfinished or edited version ~ sorry about that y'all. :)
I'm a strong person. I don't back down...well, ever really. I was going to say I don't back down easily, but unless I'm in the wrong, which I have no problem admitting to, I can not be bullied. But, I do get scared. There is a verse in a song I listen to every morning that reminds me of myself when I try to have control over my own life: Sometimes I'm hiding away from the madness around me, like a child who's afraid of the dark. Scared, full of fear and doubt. No one knows better than me how terrifying this feeling is, how wasteful it is to live your life this way. The next verse: But when I call on Jesus, all things are possible, I can mount on wings like eagles' and soar. When I call on Jesus, mountains are gonna fall', cause He'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call.
See, here's the thing; I've SEEN that all things are possible, I've SEEN those mountains fall, BECAUSE I've called on Jesus. I think it was easier for me because I was raised an atheist and I was raised to doubt everything and everybody, so that when I took that leap of faith and challenged God to prove Himself to me at the age of 26, and He did, I was in hook, line and sinker. See, He didn't show me little things...He showed me big things. That very moment I said (actual words) "If You're real, prove it to me", my whole 5 room apartment, every single room, lit up with a gold glow. Seriously, like one of those yellow bug lights, but with an unreal glow. One light was on in that apartment that night at 2:30 in the morning, and yet I walked around for minutes looking at everything, amazed at what was transpiring around me. And then, I felt as if something warm was being slowly poured over my head and down my body. It was the most amazing feeling in my life. I'll never forget it. How could I possibly doubt Him when He proved Himself to me like this. Why like this? I don't know, possibly because I was such a hater. Oh yeah, I was a hater. I was a thief, a drug and sex addict...your all in all user type personality. I'd gotten off work from bartending at 2 a.m., was considering suicide, again, and because of someone witnessing to me at the bar that night, thought...well...what the hell? It's because of that ONE chance I gave Him, He showed Himself to me. Amazing grace truly saved this wretch.
One miracle after another has happened in my life since. Later that same night I turned on the t.v. to see a local charity marathon on with a man speaking that had DJ'd at a club I use to heavily party at. He was now a pastor at a non-denominational church. That next Sunday I visited that church. First church I'd ever stepped into. I sat in the back row. As I sung the words to the song they had on the screen, someone tapped me on my shoulder and said into my ear "when you get home, throw your drugs down the toilet, you don't need them anymore". Embarrassed that someone I knew might be seeing me in a church when I'd made fun of Christians all my life, I turned around to see NO ONE there. I went home and threw everything down the toilet. I'd been addicted since I was in my early teens (speed, ludes, acid, coke, you name it, I had it all) and I haven't touched them since that day. God has revealed Himself to me like this ever since.
I know I've shared this a couple of times before. However, I've gotten a few emails questioning my last post, how I've come to have the faith I have. Because I opened myself up for Him to have the opportunity to move in my life. He was waiting for me, but according to free will, I had to allow Him the opportunity to work in my life. I look back at the years before I came to Him; all the times I'd od'd and barely made it through, the four cars I totaled because I, too, was totaled at the time, my hitchhiking from Indiana to Florida and New Orleans and living for a year with one stranger after another, I see His protection was around me before I'd called on Him. If you'd asked me then, my life wasn't worth living. It was a miserable existence. Yet, He knew what my life was yet to become and though He allowed me my mistakes, He watched over me. He was waiting on me to invite Him into my life. Since I did invite Him into my life...well, one day I'll devote a post, or a series of posts, about the miracles He's worked in my life since that night in my apartment so many years ago.
Now, every morning on my way into work, I plug my ipod into my car and listen to Nicole Mullen's Call On Jesus. I drive into work every morning with happy tears, a hand raised, and my spiritual armor strong. By the time my day starts, I'm stronger than ever. I know I've put this video on my blog before, but,one more time, I want to share with y'all part of what I do every day to prepare myself for what this world will throw at me.
I've also learned to say...command, actually, with all authority that God has given me through His Son, Christ Jesus, PEACE...BE STILL, to the problems that raise their ugly head. We have authority. PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU, THROUGH CHRIST, HAVE AUTHORITY. How it must break God's heart to see us go through what we do, beaten and trodden down, when we don't have to. If you have a minute (and I'm sorry I've gone on and on), please watch the video...listen to the words, and open your hearts.
I believe that regardless of what life brings you, God is more than enough to see you through. Every time I've gone through rough spots, God has revealed to me why they were necessary...after I've gone through them.
Because if I were to see why I needed to go through them, I wouldn't have to exercise my faith to get through them. Yes, we exercise our faith for it to get stronger. Every time life throws me a curve ball, I remember what God has gotten me through before and I KNOW that He'll get me through whatever is before me again. No doubt. Each trial that I've gone through has prepared me to be able to go through the next one.
When you start lifting weights, you start low and the more you work those muscles the more you're able to lift. When you start running, you start off slow (probably 'power walking' if you're like me) and work your way up to a jog. Faith is the very muscle of our spirit man, it's core. The more we use it, the more it enables us to get through things that cripple the faithless.
I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I've never felt like falling apart, I have. But I can, however, tell you with 100% honesty that as soon as that feeling tries to overtake me, my spirit man becomes HUGE. It's not me, but He who dwells within me. It's like I become 10 feet tall, seriously, I become the spiritual HULK and that part of me takes control...or more realistically, I give way to my spirit man. My spirit has walked by faith for 26 years. 2 Corinthians 5:7 : "For we walk by faith, not by sight". If I were to walk, live and react according to what I see, what I hear or what I feel, most of the time you'd find me in bed with the covers pulled over my head. But I've learned that is my natural man; who, just between you and I is a bit of nut case and tends to cower from problems. That's why I've learned to take a deep breath and give way to my spirit man.
Once I step aside and let my 'spiritual HULK' take over, I honestly feel "with God all things are possible", Matthew 19:26. ALL THINGS. They have no option, it's the natuaral order of things. When we give our problems over to God, our problems bow down. Immediately? To the conculusion that we want for ourselves? Now...that would be if our natural man were in control...and there would be no need to exercise our faith. And let's be honest, if you'd gotten everything you wanted, exactly when you wanted it...where do you think you'd be now? Me, I'd od'd a long, long, long time ago.
Have faith that no matter what you're going through, it doesn't stand a chance when you give it over to God. Your faith and God's power...no stopping that combination. Powerful stuff right there, darlin', powerful stuff.
Want to thank y'all for your prayers and good wishes. Let me give you some updates.
Casey's car is covered under warranty. What a great relief that is for us. It's my prayer that Casey will be able to trade it in for something that gets more than 10 miles a gallon, but he's fighting it since that car belonged to his 'Pop' and he and Charlie were absolutely crazy about their Pop. The dealership is going to start work on it on Monday replacing the gaskets. I'll let you know.
Casey went with me for my surgery Thursday morning. We sat in the waiting room and watched A Knight's Tale (my favorite movie) on Casey's laptop until they called me to prep. The only thing that bothered me about the surgery was the thought of needles, can't stand needles. After they got the iv going, the worst was over for me. My surgeon, Dr. Sutker, said they repaired the tear, shaved off the torn cartilage and sanded down the bones. He said, due to arthritis in that knee, that I'm probably looking at an artificial knee down the road. Me, I'm doubling up on my glucosamine. :) I was home by 4:30'ish and slept most of the day. We went back the next morning to my surgeon so he could check my incisions and my bandages. All looked good. They showed me some exercises and told me I'd start to wean myself off of the crutches in a couple of days. I do love a challenge and I started walking (short distances) without them that evening. Of course, the vicodin helps. Today I'm not using them at all. Really working on the exercises. Mostly because I start physical therapy on Tuesday and I want to make the pain as little as possible, so I'm trying to get it as strong as possible before then. I was told I can't go back to work until next Friday, so, I've got nothing to do but exercise it...and read, which I am really looking forward to.
So it's all good! We want to thank y'all for your prayers. Can't stress enough the power of prayer. God is faithful!
Life is full around the house. Casey, of course, is home from college and Charlie has two more days to go until he's out of school as well. They'd been told they'd have jobs working for their dad this summer, but they got some bad news last week that their working there is no longer a probability. So, they've been out hunting at every opportunity, but as you can imagine, the job market is pretty well flooded with teens right now. Hey, I know what it's like...been there and done that. Prayers for them, please.
My long timers may remember the problem Casey had with his car a year and a half ago. Well, a turns out the engine he bought has some problems and we're praying that the company we bought it from honors the warranty. Prayers again, please.
Me...I'm having my knee surgery on Thursday. I'm eager to get it behind me and not have this pain on a daily basis anymore. I'll be off work for a tad over a week, all covered by workman's comp, thank you very much. But, I'll ask one more time; prayers please.
Charlie had his first real 'gig'. Played at a place called Fat Daddy's Sound Shack in Lewisville last weekend. The band rocked and Charlie was excellent! I've got a real rocker on my hands, I'm so proud of him. His band has got four more shows lined up for June so far. He said they want to 'tour' this summer, that they have some offers for Austin and around Texas. I don't know if I'm ready for that, even if he thinks he is. We'll see.
I do try to check on your blogs as often as I can. Seems like I'm constantly on the go and when I'm not, I'm icing this knee. But I do love and care about y'all. I'll have a lot of time to blog this next week. Whether I'll have anything interesting to say, well, can't promise that. But, it's never stopped me before, has it?